A couple of friend's of mine headed to downtown on Saturday to have lunch at Olive Garden and go shopping at the mall. They didn't invite me. In a weird sense of irony, I had the daughter of one of these friends with me all day and she was the one that told me about the ladies' lunch that I hadn't been invited to. At first, I was feeling excluded and hurt that I hadn't been invited. I'm nice, I'm fun...why didn't they want me? I teased them both about it at Game Night.
The more I thought about it, however, I realized they were right not to invite me. I wouldn't have accepted the invitation had it been issued. We women can be so perverse, can't we? Here I was just telling you about how I was getting my feelings hurt and then I say I wouldn't have gone on the outing anyway. What do I mean? Well, the truth is, as much as I like Olive Garden and Williams-Sonoma and Pottery Barn (two stores at the mall they visited), I wouldn't have chosen to participate in this outing for two reasons. First, this lunch date occurred on a Saturday and I don't do these things on weekends. Weekends are family time-period. Superman works M-F, so weekends belong to him. As much as I enjoy going out with the girls, I won't give up family time to do it. Second, I wouldn't have gone to Olive Garden on a weekday, either, because Olive Garden is not in our budget and a lunch there won't get me closer to our goals. Additionally,the awesome stores in that mall would have been a temptation I just don't need. If I had bought something, I would have struggled with buyer's remorse.
In the end, taking the time to think it through was really powerful. Instead of hurt feelings, I feel really good about their lunch. These women both work really, really hard and I am sure they loved the time away from the stress of their daily lives. As for me, I feel great for feeling so committed to my lifestyle and the choices we've made as a couple and afamily.
My initial response when I learned of the outing was based on habit, rather than reality. Now I am wondering how many other things I am still responding to habitually, rather than dealing with the reality of the current situation.
What do you think? Have you ever found yourself falling into your typical reaction, even though it doesn't fit your current reality?
[Illustration from: http://www.karensalee.com/illust/images/i-girls-at-lunch.jpg ]
5 comments:
Thanks for giving me something to think about today. I do that too - react out of habit. Sometimes I recognize it, other times I don't. I know I need to pay more attention to my reactive habits BEFORE I open my mouth and say something that, usually, at this point in my life, doesn't need to be said.
As I've gotten older, I've learned to think a bit before opening my mouth, but this revelation really was a paradigm shift...I felt it happen...very weird.
I react like this all of the time. It is absolutely conditioning. I have definitely come to the point where I can think my way out of being hurt. My initial reaction is almost always that feeling of rejection.
Fantastic post!!! I completely agree with your thinking and I am happy that you like to spend your weekends with me!
I have heard this saying by a preacher once several years ago and it has stuck - I guess God must have had something better for you to do since you weren't invited.
Heh.
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