Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Today is my 46th Birthday and I think I'm excited...

Seriously...I am now 46 years old. Superman has been worried about me because I've been talking about how I'm closer to 50 than I am to 40. He thinks I'm freaking out about getting older, but that isn't it. I was talking to my sister via Skype this morning (I was opening the present she sent in front of her, it was super fun to do it that way) and I was still struggling to explain my thoughts at this birthday.

"46" isn't a milestone in any way. I don't feel particularly old, either. As I explained to my sister, however, I am recognizing that a season of my life is ending. My youngest child is 10 and there are no more babies coming my way. My oldest child has moved on and is on his way to be a successful adult. While I will always be "mom", the time where that is my "job" is winding down. I see this clearly and yet, I don't know what my life looks like when children aren't my focus. Especially during the past 11 years, my world has gotten smaller (deliberately, mind you) as I focused exclusively on the needs of my growing family.

Now I can see a time when they won't need or want that level attention. When, in fact, it won't be good for anyone if I devote that kind of attention to the minute details of their daily lives. But that leaves a big question mark...what will I do? Who will I become? What will my life look like?

Even as recently as three months ago, I saw us staying in this part of the country for at least 10 more years. Now, however, I'm not so certain. Superman's job situation isn't as stable as we'd thought and employment opportunities aren't terrific in this area. I'm having to revise all my future plans to take into account the possibility that Superman will be looking for a new job far from this area. Plans for the house? On hold. Instead of talking about buying land further out of the city, now I'm wondering if we'll have to pick up and move yet again. All my plans now are focused on paying down debt and giving us maneuverability should the worst happen.

I really didn't see this, but I can't say I'm surprised. Change has been in the air. I've felt it.

So, I turned 46 today and I feel like I'm on the cusp of change. I'm excited and I'm scared. I'm impatient with the not knowing and I'm exhilirated by the unknown. I feel life unfolding in front of me, even as I can't yet see the road.

So, Happy Birthday to Me...this year will be a good one.

13 comments:

Andrea said...

Happy Birthday and GOD BLESS!
andrea

Mommie Strain said...

happy birthday and you are only as old as you feel..

Fairy Footprints said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY what a wonderful day for you. Dont worry you look beautiful in your pictures, I have never seen you in person, but darling your simply elegant. Dont worry.

Blessings,
Heidi

Alicia said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ERIN!!!!

Sometimes change is good. It can be scary not knowing the outcome, but just remember that God is in control!!

Dani Joy said...

Yes!! Happy Birthday to you, Erin! It will be a new age for you but a great one!

CaliGirl said...

Happy, happy, birthday, my friend! I knew it was in October, but I forgot it was so close to mine. I turned 50 on the 18th! Had a big party, even though I did't really want one. Eddie insisted. Kind of glad he did, cuz it was a blast. Sorry to hear about Superman's job situation...I'm sure it's not much better here either. If anyone can, you guys will figure it out.
PS to Fairy Footprints...she's a bee-u-ti-full person...inside and out.
Hugs and kisses to all.

molly - apple cyder said...

hope you have a great day!

Buttercup said...

Happy birthday mom!!!!!!!!

Valiant said...

Happy birthday Mom.

Darla said...

Happy Birthday!!!!

loveaphid said...

Happy Birthday Big Sister, again. Hope you enjoy Saturday.

generationsgoneby said...

Happy Birthday! Boy haven't we all felt this way in the last year. If you'd told me this time last year I would be where I am now, I would have laughed in your face. Parenting a 68 year old woman, and three teenagers. Stuck in the middle with me. And there I was a year ago feeling like no one needed me. Now I wish no one really did. Be very careful little one what you pray for these days, God does listen, it just seems He doesn't always hear it the way I meant it. LOL
You will find your place. This time as kids leave the nest is terrifying. YOurs is the only blog I have to turn to where an honest mom besides me is going thru the exact same things I am and still has kids I would let mine play with. LOL Enjoy 46, you don't look a day over 26.

Tricia said...

I was in Vegas sans computer on your actual birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ERIN!!! 2 days late. So new horizons may be closer in the distance than you originally thought...I know what you mean about being excited and scared at the same time. But you have a strong, adventurous, couragous, resourceful, and resiliant spirit and I have no doubt that you will embrace whatever challenges and joys the future holds for you and your family. If I may make a suggestion re: possibilities for Superman's career opportunities - Research Triangle Park here in NC is a major mecca of employment for high end jobs and the area is absolutely beautiful. You would love it! (Not to mention, I would have you close by again!)

P.S. I love your holloween background! All your blog backgrounds make me smile :)