This time last year, I was well into the swing of things. The holidays ended, the neighborhood kids went back to school, albeit later than normal, and the Nagle household settled into its rhythm. This year, I'm not feeling it. With Superman's approaching departure, we let lots of things go in the household and, since I knew about his job long before I could tell you about it, the slide actually started before the holidays.
I don't know. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I should have stuck to a rigid schedule, kept the routine going, and worked around it all to get Superman ready. I am struggling to find a rhythm these days and, so far, I just can't seem to find it. I'm feeling out of control. For someone like me, feeling out of control is the worst. Seriously, I hate feeling out of control.
I was sitting on the couch with Valiant, getting ready watch another movie with the patient, when I realized I needed to do something. I needed to do anything. Floundering around isn't working for me and, frankly, it isn't working for my kids. Right then, I jumped up. I informed Valiant that he'd be searching the internet to find a part for the helicopter Superman broke Christmas Day before the kids even got to touch it (oops, did I just tattle?) and I headed outside to wash Superman's car and get the garage back in order. It felt good to accomplish something tangible after spending two months being "supportive".
I think to tackle this, I'm going to have to go backwards. I think I'm going to make lists of things I need to get done and cross them off. One thing at a time, I am going to regain a feeling of control. I need this. It makes me a better mother, a better friend, and a better wife, which I still am, even though Superman and I will be 10000 miles apart.
I know it is Tuesday night, but I'm not going to wait for Monday. I am desperate to feel better and the only way I know how to do this is to take charge.
Here is my list for this week:
Mail my "supposed to be Christmas cards, but turned into New Year's Letters" by Friday. (I was waiting for details of Scott's departure and then the task got lost in the shuffle. The sad part? The envelopes have been addressed since Thanksgiving.
Get all of our Christmas thank-you's written. I am never, ever, ever this late. I am actually embarrassed to share this task. These will be mailed by Saturday.
Get back onto my 6 days a week exercise schedule. I exercised today for the first time since 1/7/10. I'll just keep going and by the end of the week, I'll be in a pattern.
Get one month of curriculum done for each of the kids and figure out some of the extra-curricular activities we'll be doing for the next two months. This must be done by Sunday night.
So, there you have it. These are the things I am going to be working on. I need to get these tasks off my list and off my mind. The failure to get them done has been weighing on me and I need to get them off my back and feel like I'm moving forward.
What about you? Do you ever find yourself stalled? How do you break out of the rut? Am I the only one that feels the need to do something? What do you think?
4 comments:
Well, good for you, Erin!! It sounds like you are on the right track. I'm sure your brain won't feel so cluttered after you check those things off your list. After you mail all those cards out, you will feel so much better!!!
Baby steps!!
I always feel better after I do something. You will be feeling normal, or at least the new "normal" soon.
That last couple of months were pretty rough. It was very difficult knowing that this change was coming, but not knowing exactly when it would happen. In hindsight, I should have tried to have handle the transition better. I sometimes forget that I do not have the luxury of second guessing or having doubts. You are an amazing person and we have the worlds best kids. I know that you will have things running like clockwork in no time.
Erin,
The last year for us has been very similar and I know what you mean. Transistions take some time to get used to and sometimes we just need some time to take stock of the situation, to absorb what is happening to us. It's like we are on a too fast merrygoround. Once it stops, we just have to wait until we stop spinning before we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and say okay, THIS is the direction we want to go in now. You will get there. I have every faith in you. You've had a lot thrown at you to absorb, but you'll find your path. And become a better person. ANd look back and say I am glad we did this. I look back at the last year and I see the blessings that have come out of it. Yeah, I can see some of the sorrow along the pathway, but I also see alot of the treasures along the path as well. Treasures that wouldn't have been there had we not taken that first step when mom said she wanted to move. Life can be scary sometimes, but you don't get the joys in life until you live it. And I agree with Clark, you and those kids will have things running like clockwork in no time.
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