Saturday, May 9, 2009

Mother's Day - The Finale

(My babies - Spring 2000)

Being a mother is a blessing, plain and simple. In a society that views wage earning as the highest calling a woman can follow, caring for hearth and home has been demeaned and diminished to the point that we feel guilty for following our heart's desires to be at home.

My mother is strong, my mother is beautiful, my mother is smart, but my mother didn't understand that being a mother mattered in big-picture way. She could hardly wait to be done being a mother. One of the things I've wished was that my mother hadn't embraced the whole "turn your daughter into your best friend" movement. While my friends thought my mom was the coolest mom ever, I really, really needed and wanted a mother. I really didn't want to hear her marriage woes, intimate details of her relationships with her boyfriends, etc.

So, I learned by her negative (to me) example that I am NOT supposed to be my children's best friend. I want them to have friends to dish dirt to, to complain about me to, to do stupid things with.

I am their mother...I am more than a friend. From the moment I began sharing my womb with them, I became willing to lay down my life for my children. I will always keep their best interests in my heart, I will not always tell them what they want to hear, and I will never put them in the awkward position of feeling that they are compromising their loyalty to one parent or another. This doesn't mean I don't or won't make mistakes. It doesn't mean we'll always get along. It does mean that they will have confidence that I will not put my happiness and well-being above theirs...I made that commitment to them. It is just that simple.

This says it better than I could, so I'm going to completely steal a part of post my friend T @ Generations Gone By wrote in January -- I told her I was going to, so it is okay. (You can see her whole post here - you'll love it.)

Here is the part I wanted to share with you:
"My mom is not my best friend. She’s my mom. I love her and she’s special, but she has her own special place that no friend could ever fill in my heart. Mom’s spirit is so large that it fills that entire area of my heart and always will. I don’t need anyone else to fill it."

If my children feel the way T does about her mother, then I will have done my job. If you do feel the way T does, then tell your mom how much you appreciate her...even if she annoys the heck out of you. After all, it is her job.

Happy Mother's Day!


Pilar Stark said...

I always wanted to be a SAHM, I wanted to do what my mom did. And I praise God that He has allowed me to. I wouldn´t change it for the world, for the money and for the "freedom".

Happy mother´s day!

Anonymous said...

#2 once stomped her foot (she was about 6) and yelled "I hate you." And started to run to her room. I grabbed her by the room and said, "Good, I have done my job. P. S. I love you with all my life." Now that she's a teen we are very close and she doesn't hate me any more. At least not like she did that day. I think I have special place in her heart finally.

Giving mom a break today from my bossiness and cleaning to just enjoy her day. Hopefully this will be the last Mother's day she lives away from us.

Dani Joy said...

Very good insite! We are here to train. Later they will thank us, if we do it right.
Happy Mother´s day!

n3isme said...


That was so nice!!!

Beth in NC said...

Well said! I agree, I want to be my daughter's Mommy and prayerfully I will guide her in the right direction.

Thanks for sharing,

Erin said...

Thanks you is really nice to know we're not alone out here!

CaliGirl said...

Hands down, that was one of the best entries I've read in a long time. Thanks for sharing...I miss you. I haven't worked on my 'books' since you left. Sniffle, sniffle. It just doesn't seem the same.

DarcyLee said...

Great post! So many women in the last generation thought they were supposed to be their children's friend instead of a parent and did put their happiness above their children's. Our job as mothers are never over. Being a mother is an awesome thing and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity.