Monday, June 1, 2009

Monday Musings from a Troubled Mind

Well, you might have noticed that I haven't posted here since Friday and now it is Monday evening and I'm not in the right frame of mind to participate in Making Your Home Sing Monday. I could blame my technology troubles, but I could have used one of the other computers if I'd been of a mind to post. The truth is, I didn't want to post. I'm grappling with some troubling issues that I won't/can't share with you all because there is no way to put them out here for discussion without compromising the privacy of other people. (Outing myself is one thing, outing someone else is not cool!)

Isn't it difficult to reconcile how you'd like things to be with how things just "are"? Sometimes it is so difficult to recognize that no matter how strong your will, no matter how dedicated you are, you just can't change some things. It is so difficult to watch people you care about behave in ways that are not going to get them the things they want, even as they stubbornly refuse to alter course. It is so clear that what we do says more about who we are than who we say we are. simple I'd just like some peace in my mind.

Anyway, this is my friend "A" (in the pink shorts) getting ready to cross the finish line for the LA Marathon last week--this year was her third marathon (her fourth one?) and I think she is amazing. I don't care what her time was. Years ago, we both talked about how cool it would be to run the marathon and that it would be even more cool to do it before we turned 40. Well, she did it when she was 39 (I think!), but I never did. Why? Because she wanted it more than I did. It is that simple. She was willing to put in the road work, deal with the hours of pain, the injuries, etc. and I wasn't willing to give up the things I would have to in order to do that. So, when I say I'd love to run the marathon and I never have, that really means "I don't want it more than I want to bake and sew and homeschool and garden". Likewise, when she says she'd like to bake more, she means "she'd like to bake, but not more than she'd like to run the marathon". I am in awe of her accomplishments, even as I celebrate my own. Taking ownership of our choices is one of the most difficult lessons we learn and it seems to be a difficult one to pass along, too. I celebrate A's recent victory...I'm so proud of her.

Making Your Home Sing Monday is still going on and everybody has some really good thoughts. Nan is actually joining the Five Moms in a Summer Cleaning Frenzy. Um, I'll pass (but I'll be watching the rest of them work up a sweat as they clean their houses from top to bottom). Head on over to Momstheword to see what else is going on this first week of June.


Muthering Heights said...

I'm sorry that things are tumultuous for you right now...I hope things work out soon! :)

DarcyLee said...

Blessings to you my friend. I hope things turn brighter for you soon. Yes, it's very hard to watch people we love make some unwise decisions.

momstheword said...

You know what's really hard? When they make those unwise decisions, and then they complain about them!!!

So not only do we have to watch them do it, we have to listen to it afterwards too!

It is just hard, especially if the decisions affect your life. If they don't you still have to be concerned, hurt for the person or whatever. So they still affect our lives.

I'm sorry this was a hard weekend for you, my friend! Please feel free to email, etc. if you just need a shoulder! Love you!

Alicia said...

Hi Erin! I'm so sorry that you're going through a rough spot right now. I'll be praying!!

And wow..on your friend! Awesome!

Alicia, The Snowflake said...

Yes, that is a lesson we have been trying to teach our son: choices have consequences. There are good choices like running the marathon (Congrats to A!) and then there are bad choices. Unfortunately those bad choices often effect the rest of us too. Praying that this situation will work itself out my friend!

Anonymous said...

Okay... I just wrote a long comment and then my two-year-old son came by and pressed the esc key! UGH! Calgon take me away! Good grief!!!!!!

Well, to summarize what I wrote:
I can relate to two points you made in your post. I have some loved ones who continue to make poor choices and I struggle with either feeling sorry for them, being resentful toward them, and wanting to fix it all for them. I try to remember that I need to pray for them, be a godly witness to them by how I live my life, and leave it in God's hands.
Also, I have said for quite a while now that I would LOVE to run a marathon but have never done a darn thing about it! The idea of completing a marathon sounds really appealing, but the realization of what it would take to prepare and train does not sound all that appealing! Such is life!

Have a very blessed day!

Your sister in Christ,

Andrea said...

I am sorry you are riding on a bumpy road with unwilling hearts....I understand. Circumstances may be different, but I get it. GOD will see you through. I have to continually remind myself, "I cannot change them..that is GOD's is my job to love them."
Congradulations to your friend....AWESOME!! WOW!!
Blessings and prayers, andrea

Anonymous said...

Sometimes it's easier for us to see what other's need to do than it is for us to see what we need to do. HAve you told that person what you think would be best. They may need your clarity. Of course, not online, but in person.

LIfe choices are hard to make sometimes and it's nice to have a loved one's perspective.

and then if they do what you told them not to, you can always say I told you so. LOL

Erin said...

You are all so wonderful...your words of encouragement, your words of empathy, and your prayers have all been appreciated (and much needed). Thank you.

loveaphid said...

Ok so I'm slow to comment. But, well you know. Hang in there Sis, you know where to find me when you need me.

Oh and the marathon thing... reminds me of a commercial were this paunchy middle aged guy says "I'd like to run a marathon, but its really such a long way." I have no idea what was being sold but that line always made me chuckle, because that totally sums it up for me. Kudos to those who can though. Way to go A.

Clark said...

The road is getting a little less bumpy.....