Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Lost in Translation?
I've lost my voice these past few weeks. Truly. I can't seem to string together anything cohesive and find myself overwhelmed most of the time. Superman has been gone more than 3 months now and is finding our Skype conversations less than satisfactory. As I don't want to spend our brief times "together" whining about life at home, I just seem distracted for no reason. I don't tell him the real deal: Broken sprinklers, power failures, bugs/ants, plant disasters, broken bikes, broken vacuums, checks that never arrive in the mail, and children who swing back and forth between angelic and heads-spinning-around.
With the advent of spring, the house/yard needs new and different attention...all of it very labor intense. I'm feeling pulled in more directions than ever and the strain is starting to show. I fall to bed exhausted and wake up at the crack of dawn thinking about the things I didn't get done the day before. It is not just me, either. The kids are struggling with their normal school work these days. Their focus is just shot. The weather is beckoning them, just not for yard work. The girl is arguing with me about school almost every day and the boy is just quietly not getting stuff done.
I know I don't have it tough. I know I'm lucky to have a husband who is working so hard to help our family get out of debt and get ahead. (But right now I don't feel like I have a husband.) I know I'm lucky to have three healthy happy children. (But right now I feel like my children think I'm the enemy.) I know I'm lucky to have this beautiful house to live in. (But right now this house wants too much from me.) I know I'm lucky to have wonderful friends and neighbors. (But right now I feel invisible.) I know I'm just tired. I know I'll eventually have a minute to take a breath, to return a phone call, to sew something pretty...but right now, right this very minute, I am having trouble keeping things in perspective. Right now, I'm having trouble seeing beyond this moment. Right now, I've lost my voice...