I am a firm believer that married people with children need to remember that their children will grow up and live adult lives one day (if we do our jobs correctly), leaving those two people alone with each other once again. If you've spent 20 years being Mom and Dad and not ever being the Boy and Girl you used to be, then when the kids fly off to live their own exciting lives, you'll be left living with someone you don't really know any more.
This belief, however, runs headlong into my absolutely pathological refusal to take vacations without our children. You read that correctly...in 19.2 years of marriage, almost 18 years of parenthood, Superman and I have NEVER taken a vacation away from our children. I won't do it...I just, well, I just can't. (I don't think Superman wants to, either, but I accept full responsibility for this fact.)
So, that means we've had to be creative to get time together. We've been on dates to the park when we had just one baby, so we could watch him play and still be alone together. We've been on dates to the back deck when the kids are sleeping. When we both worked, we made sure we came home on the same train and considered that 30 minute ride every day to be our time together. Because we do it deliberately and consciously, these little times count for something. They add up. They are meaningful. They matter.
Now that the kids are older, we can sneak out for a dinner alone, or, since we're counting pennies and paying down debt, a breakfast date! These days we have a standing Monday morning date at McDonald's...we take two cars so he can head off to work and I can come home to my work...he's dressed beautifully because he's heading off to corporate America and I, well, today I'm in workout clothes so I can't renege on my workout commitment, but it still felt like a date! We talked about our hopes, our dreams, and weird things that pop into our minds. He told me I'm pretty, I told him he's awesome. He walked me to my car and gave me a kiss as he held the door for me. I told him to drive carefully and that I loved him. It was terrific.
You know what? After 20 years together, Superman is still my boyfriend...and I can hardly wait for our next date...
P.S. For anyone who is keeping track with Kate, I did, in fact, have another Egg McMuffin today, so that brings my 2009 tally to 6!
6 comments:
I love reading your blogs. You make me laugh. This was such a cute blog and I really hope that I am this happy in 20 years with my hubby. We are happy now but it's hard having a toddler and the stress of pinching every penny to make it stress to 3. I look forward to when things aren't this difficult. Reading this gives me faith and confirmation that we are doing things right for the most part, with our little "dates" although before now I never considered them to be dates.
I LOVE the sausage McMuffin with egg. mmmm *drool.* I haven't had any since the new year though :(.
(stretch to 3, not stress to 3 lol)
We have been married for 25 years and have never taken a vacation without our children either. There will be time for that when the kids are gone.
However, when they were little we'd build a fire and watch a movie after they were asleep, or play a boardgame or chat or read (sometimes he'd read to me).
Now they are 15 and 20 we still, honestly, don't "date" as much as we should. We just love our family time. But it is so true what you said. You have to cherish and build on that friendship.
Hubby and I go out every Saturday morning for breakfast. If your kid spends the night with mine, you will be appraised of the situation and you can come get them early, or know they will be playing at home without adults for a few hours.
Most of my kids friends moms are willing to do date night sleepovers. We take turns keeping the kiddos so the other can have some free time.
We have vacationed without our children. They stayed with my mom, or mom stayed here and they had more fun than we did.
No matter how you choose to do it, there's no better gift to give your children than parents who are still in love.
I have to agree with Momsoftheworld. There will be plenty of time for vacations alone after the kids are on their way. We won't get this time back and our kids actually like being with us! In the meantime, I will fully enjoy and look forward to our morning McD dates and occasional dinner dates.
*sniff* *sniff* T_T have i ever mentioned that i love you guys?
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