It Really Is Enough...

Over the past few years, I've watched as my children chart their adult courses, trying to determine what they'll want their adult lives to look like.  It's fascinating.  One dreams of wealth and one secretly dreams of writing the "Great American Novel"...pretty typical stuff.  But one of my kids wonders why modest dreams are discouraged.  Why is it that we can't aim to have a job that allows us to provide well enough?  Are dreams only worth pursuing if they're flashy?  Do we really have to "go big or go home"?


This blog post by A Life In Progress is bouncing around FB right now and this blogger tackles the same issue, far more eloquently than I. "What if I all I want is a small, slow, simple life? What if I am most happy in the space of in between. Where calm lives. What if I am mediocre and choose to be at peace with that?  But what if I just don’t have it in me. What if all the striving for excellence leaves me sad, worn out, depleted. Drained of joy. Am I simply not enough?" Interestingly, the comments on the post are as powerful as the post itself.  She is not alone.  There are a lot of us asking the same questions about life. 


It seems to me that we need to start asking ourselves what definition of excellence we're using?  What definition of successful are we measuring ourselves against?  What value judgment are we placing the adjectives we use to define our lives?  Why are words such as "small", "simple", "plain", and "humble" deemed negative?  When we flip a coin, one side is not inherently better than the other, so why are we judging our lives in such a manner? 


I have loved being a stay-at-home mom.  Seriously.  I love this simple, unexciting-to-many life.  I don't dream of huge purchases (although the carpet is pretty bad!) or a lavish lifestyle.  I can't even imagine myself living that way.  I love my old car, it does the job for me.  I love CrossFit, even though I suck at it.  I love sewing, even though I still haven't made my own wardrobe.  I love having all these animals (four dogs, two cats, three birds, and one hamster, at last count!), even though it feels chaotic at times.  I love having time for my family and friends (although my sister and I really need to live in the same time zone!) and for learning new things and making friends where I live and being part of the community.   I especially love my family, even though they're crazy making at times.  I love myself, even though I'm not young or beautiful or skinny or cellulite-free.    


Before I lived this life, I was a secretary.  I loved that job, too...I love being behind the scenes, helping everyone stay on track.  I never wanted to be the Big Boss...I just liked making the Big Boss's life easier.  I've always been this way, as far back as I can remember.  I liked working at McDonald's when I was 16, I liked being a receptionist when I was 17, I liked being a hostess at a restaurant when I was 19, and I liked being a dispatcher for small company when I was 22.  I like When I was a very little girl, I wanted to be a nurse, never a doctor, because doctor's rushed in and rushed out, while nurses stayed to take care of the patients.  I've always wanted to be the caretaker.  It's just who I am and it is good. 


When I remember I like who I am, and ignore the messages of "not enough" the world sends, life falls into place.  My family is happy, my household hums, my spirit sings, and I have joy and friendship to share.  


So, as I counsel my child who is going to be rich, I say, "May I have a small guest house on your estate?".   


When I talk with the one who is secretly dreams of writing something that will be received with worldwide acclaim, I say, "Keep writing...you've always loved it."   


And, as I counsel a child who wonders if modest is enough, I have to say, "Yes, it really is enough".  


We need the modest and we need the flashy.  We need the quiet and we need the loud.  We need the chaos and we need the calm.  And we need everything in between.  There is a place for each of us, if we're brave enough to fight for it.

On Simplifying...

One of the things I like to do as I work to simplify our lives is to read the blogs of like-minded people, no matter where they are in the simplification journey. I love to read about the triumphs and the stumbling blocks along the way. More than that, it keeps me inspired to know I'm not the only one questioning the way we live and making the deliberate decision to swim against the current.

To that end, there are some blogs that really make me thing. Rowdy Kittens is one of them. This blog is written by a young married couple, Tammy and Logan, who have recently moved to Portland and have simplified their lives down to the point of being able to count their belongings. They have made very deliberate choices to get them off the merry-go-round of modern life.

A few months ago, they wrote a post about their move to Portland and their appreciation for the help they received moving. They talked candidly about their dependence on others to accomplish this move. It caused me to pause. Since their lives are so different than mine, their post(s) have caused me to have some fundamental questions about simplification, the goals of simplification, and quality of life issues. Their decision to live without a car required them to use their parents' truck, as well as the vehicles of others, to make this move. That caused me to ask, "Does simplifying create of dependency?" and, "If you have nothing, how do you contribute meaningfully to society?" Fortunately, when I posed those questions to Rowdy Kittens, they didn't take offense, as I meant none. I am truly trying to figure this all out.

Please read the original post at Rowdy Kitten and let me know your thoughts.

This was my comment to their original post.

I love that you feel gratitude for the help you’ve gotten along the way and I agree that it is the secret to successfully designing your life. I have a questions, that is not meant to sound disrespectful in any way, it is truly a sincere question. If everyone has a life of minimalism, then how would you move? I am struggling with creating an acceptable level of simplicity for myself and my almost grown children, so I recognize that I’m at a completely different place in life, but it seems to me that you’ve designed a life in which you depend on others to have the resources you don’t care to care for yourself. Does that make sense? As parents, I wonder how difficult it would be if our children couldn’t count on us. I’m not sure I’m communicating my dilemma, but it seems to me that the minimalism practiced by some requires access to the belongings of others who have made the decision to own and care for more.


Tammy responded:

@Erin – I think I understand your dilemma and you are right to a certain extent. For me the whole point of minimalism and/or small living means seeking out community. For example, I don’t own a car. So if I need one I either rent a vehicle or ask friends/family for help. If I ask my community for help, then I can repay them with kindness at a later date. (Like making them a yummy dinner, sending them on a trip, etc.)

For me I think it’s about the larger questions of how we’ve structured our society. There is a notion that you have to do everything yourself and I think that’s wrong. It leads to isolation and the overuse of resources.

Why can’t we share resources within families and our larger community? Does everyone truly “need” a car? Or a 5 bedroom home? I think the answer is no. We need community too truly connect with. We need to build meaningful relationships with friend and family members. We don’t need more stuff or cars.

If everyone lived a life a minimalism, then I would envision more “sharing” services, like zipcar. And the creation of additional community car-sharing programs, investments in public transit, etc.

As a side note, you can always move by bike.

Does that help?

Logan responded:

Hi Erin N.,

Its definitely a paradigm shift to transition to a minimalist lifestyle. We used to have your same fears until we watched a video interview of Dee Williams where she mentioned that by living with less she was able to contribute more. More money, more time with family, and more community volunteering. Everyone’s level of enough is different, however our hope is our friends won’t discount us due to our lack of possessions. Necessity always brings invention and our goal is to contribute to community, and barter for needs and services in alternative forms. The last thing we want to do is mooch off of folks with more stuff and fail to show reciprocity and gratitude.

First off, I am so grateful to Tammy and Logan for taking the time to answer my questions. I have been thinking of this dialogue ever since we initially had it. I've bored my friends and family with discussions about this topic until I think they're ready to throttle me. The conclusion of the 40-ish-year old group that makes up my peers is that a life led consciously ends up with all of us owning and sharing different resources and contributing various strengths to our community. Deliberately creating a life where your major contributions are cerebral might have value, but will still eventually require material contribution .

So, what do you think? Is this what simplifying is all about? Do I not understand? Is it possible to successfully have a large community where all the resources are jointly owned? Am I insane for spending so much time thinking about this? What are your thoughts?

P.S. Tammy just wrote an amazing post on the art of saying "no". You should head over and read it.

Life is Simple

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. ~Confucius

WIP Wednesday

I haven't done a Work In Progress Wednesday for a while and I thought I'd like to try to get back into the habit. So, what am I working on these days?

Well, I came home refreshed from our trip and rededicated to simplification of our lives. The same feelings that inspired all of this was calling out for more, but less drastic, action. Tuesday after the vet, I definitely needed to keep busy, so I pulled out a bunch of stuff from the shelves in the family room. I sorted, tossed, donated, and rearranged. I organized my fabrics a bit better. I got rid of magazines and weird odds and ends. (I also "found" the Christmas lights I wanted to use on the trailer awning...two days after the end of the trip.)

Today I'm tackling more stuff in our storage area. I refer to this area as the Black Hole. It is a great place to store furniture (heirloom cribs, playpens, high chairs, small furniture) and holiday decorations, but it is becoming a catch-all for stuff I think I want to hold on to, but I don't know where to put. That needs to stop because it is all too much. I'm getting rid of tons of gift bags I've been holding onto/adding to since TK moved away in 1999 (!) and Superman has agreed to get rid of an old fireplace insert we've been holding on to. I'm going to double check to be certain that any little pieces of furniture we're holding on to we actually want. I'm also sending some clothes to my sister (oops! I told) and even more clothes to charity.

I'm excited because I've fertilized our flowers so I can participate in Tootsie's Fertilizer Fridays this week and I'm looking forward to snapping just the perfect picture. You haven't seen Tootsie's flowers? Oh, you most head over and see her garden. I'm so pleased with how my started-from-seeds flowers are doing. Zinnias, marigolds, verbena and impatiens. Not much of anything survived, but I did get representatives of each of those.

I've been reading all kinds of crafty blogs as I look for Christmas ideas and I'm delighted to discover I'm not the only one already thinking of Christmas in July. I'm getting some ideas ready to share with you all as I refine my own lists. In the meantime, have you seen what Pretty Organized Palace is looking at? If not, you should head over to her place and see what she's been thinking of.

So, what are you all up to these days?