"Transitions are hard" or "Reflections upon coming out the other side"

As you might be aware, for a few years now, my family has been in transition.  Heck, you might even be bored of the topic, but man, it's a big transition to go from active parenting of younger children to hands-off parenting of adult children.  I've mentioned some of it in my very sporadic blog posts, but I didn't even scratch the surface.  The last of our children left the nest within six months of each other and both of them are now married.  Superman and I became grandparents when Buttercup and her husband had a little boy last summer.  Valiant and his wife live across the country and Charming is across the state.  Family togetherness, at least for now, is a distant memory.

On top of that, Superman and I decided we couldn't say no to an amazing career opportunity for him, so he's traveling again.  When I tell you the nest is empty, the nest is EMPTY.  And yet, Superman and I seem to be busier than ever.  We have grand plans for our empty nest life and are pursuing them with a single-minded focus and we have a renewed energy as we pursue our goals. 

Swedish death cleaning was a huge help to this transition.  I know I posted about the ins and outs of Swedish death cleaning before, but I can't stress enough how good this was for us.  Letting go of the life that "was" makes room for the life that "will be".  We aren't holding on to the past in a way that limits our ability to embrace the future.  It has been so liberating to shed the detritus of those years, only holding on to the things that have true meaning.  Of course, we did hold on to some things, but only things that have meaning to us and that we think might have meaning to our children.  For example, it is lovely to see our grandson in a crib that was used first for my brother, and then for our own children.  It has been so sweet to see him in a playpen that has been in our family for more than 50 years.  (Seriously, buying quality and being resistant to "new and improved" has served us well.)  

It was a lovely trip down memory lane and also a loving farewell when I scanned in all of our analog photos (so many photos in boxes...I thought they'd never end!) and then combined them with all of our digital photos and placed them on a thumb drive for the each of the kids.  This is their history to keep and maintain as they see fit.   I felt lighter and a little buoyant as I shipped off all of their belongings and then gifted them all these photos.  But it also really cemented a thought for me:  Memories are so personal.  All of those baby pictures that bring a smile of remembrance to your face are of a time that the subject of the photo doesn't even remember...those are YOUR memories, not theirs.   You can't really know what is a treasured memory or a treasured belonging for your adult child.  Anyway, I digress...this project is all done and handed off to the next generation and our home is now more reflective of the journey to come rather than looking back at the life that was.

I read a blurb somewhere that said the majority of your parenting will be done to adult children and that is the stage we're in.  I know it sounds as if we've washing our hands of our children, but that is far from the truth...we just truly respect that they are living their lives now and we have confidence in their ability to do just that.  We raised them well and they're all very competent, capable individuals in their own right. Our "job" is done and we've happily handed the reins to them and we are enjoying watching the paths they choose for themselves.  

So, there it is.  We've made it through the empty nest transition and come out the other side.  We feel energized and excited to see what the future holds, and I think this blog is going to come back to life now that I don't have to worry about infringing on teenagers' privacy. (That was a big consideration for me once they were of an age..,I didn't want post things that could potentially make them feel their privacy had been violated.)  Heck, I might even open it up to my adult children to contribute to because, it is, after all, the Nagle5 News and I no longer speak for all of the Nagle5.  

Organizing Season Always Involves Decluttering

The best part of Organizing Season is how the act of decluttering helps me align the real me with the "vision of me" I have.  Have you ever thought about it like that?  All that stuff we hold on to represents the vision of ourselves we have, but doesn't necessarily mesh with our reality.  We can go two ways.  We can change our reality to match our vision of ourselves or we can change our vision of ourselves to match our reality.  In my case, it seems that this time of years is all about changing my vision to match reality, which means I shed those things that just aren't "real".  Does that make sense?  Think about it for awhile.  Let it bounce around.  You hold onto stuff that you don't use because it is part of an unrealistic vision you have of yourself.  

Enough serious stuff.  You'll be thinking about that idea all day, I promise.  So, let's move on to the nitty gritty of my Organizing Season week.

Getting organized just wouldn't be complete without a hefty bout of decluttering.  Especially after the holidays, it always feels like we're surrounded with too much stuff.  From holiday decorations to layers of clothing to undone projects, it all just starts to feel like too much.  I feel weighed down by my own expectations for myself.  I just start to feel like my stuff owns me.   Do you feel that way, too? 

Fortunately for me, last week a local charity called to let me know they'd have a truck in our neighborhood Tuesday and offered to pick up anything I'd have for them.  Woot!  Now I had a deadline--just what I needed!  They're wonderful motivators.

The first thing I tackled was 13 years worth of scrapbooking materials, of which I'd used none in the last six and half years.  Yep, you read that correctly.  I have not done any scrapbooking since we moved to Eastern Washington.  Without my friends in California, I didn't enjoy doing it anymore.   Still, I held onto the materials and equipment for "someday".  Well, this year, I finally accepted that my vision of myself as a person who made amazing scrapbooks for my children was not ever going to become reality.   Paper is just not a medium I am creative working in.  (Hopefully, my children won't be scarred for life.) 



The scissors were actually dusty!

The scrapbooking stuff had to leave.  I didn't need the guilt anymore.  Three Trader Joe's bags of stuff had to leave, to be exact.  This was after I'd sent two boxes of paper to my sister last year.  Rewriting your vision of yourself takes time.   For me, it has been a process of letting go of that "ideal" vision...it takes some honesty to say to yourself, "I'm just not going to do that...ever."

Idea books, pages, etc...

Fortunately, my bff Andi loves to scrapbook, make cards, and generally create beautiful things with paper, so I gave it all to her.  (She was thrilled, I promise!  I wasn't just dumping stuff on her.)



Paper trimmer, punches, stickers, the works!

She said I had tons of good stuff, we didn't have as many duplicates as she had expected and she'll pass the books and some duplicate supplies onto other ladies who have interest.  All my unused stuff will finally get used.  That is a fabulous feeling.

Still, none of this got me any closer to stuff for the charity truck.  Next up was my fabric stash.  Yes, I've been sewing a lot (for me!) lately, but there is still a ton of stuff I will never use.  Tastes change, kids grow-up, etc.  I don't have babies...I won't use some of this fabric for anything and someone else might...but, not if I leave it in my stash.

Tastes change...

All this fabric just got added to the pile.

A huge bag of fabric leaves the house...

Pretty cool, right?  I hope people get to make wonderful stuff out of this fabric.

Three bins that were too full were culled into one bin that isn't full.

Three bins of holiday decorations was cut down to one and one of the bins ended up get donated.  Holiday decorations?  Really.  I don't know about you, but my holiday decorating changes as my household decor changes.  Things I loved when my kids were little don't seem to "fit" in my house these days.  After a few years of not using them, I realized it was time to cull the decorations.  I also got rid of a ton of gift bags.  (Hey, Tricia, some of them were yours from 12 years ago!  That is how long I held on this stuff!)

Anyone need a punching bag?

I was on a roll.  I got onto Skype and said, "Hey, Honey, may I get rid of your punching bag?"  He said to check with Valiant, so I checked with Valiant.  "Hey, Valiant, you know that punching bag you NEVER use?  May I get rid of it?"  As you can imagine, he didn't care, so the charity truck is going to be picking up a punching bag, too.  (Boxing gloves included!)  A sewing machine carrying case, curtains panels, a bowling ball, picture frames, and a cork board are just some of the things in the pile.

That is a lot of stuff that is no longer in my house!

I don't want to bore you, so I'll stop for now.  I thought you'd get a kick out of seeing just how much the charity truck is picking up in the morning.  It goes all the way up the stairs to my front door.  What do you think?   All that stuff is leaving my house for good!  How cool is that?

P.S.  Oh, do you see the big bag of hangers?  Wait til you see what we did!  Did I mention I love Organizing Season?



Chalkboard Markers and Black Contact Paper

Just in case you thought all my creativity was limited to use of the Silhouette machine, I have another little project I did this summer to share with you.

Let me back up.  We have a teeny-tiny "linen" closet at the top of our stairs.  The door to the closet was really just two cabinet doors stacked on top of each other, roughly 20" wide.  The opening was so small that the closet was always an ineffecient mess.

So, last spring, I took off the cabinet doors (discovering that they were just a face, no really cabinetry behind them!) and decided to see if I could live with a no-door linen closet...especially as all of our linens are in our respective bedrooms (they fit better there!).

This really appeals to me.

As does this.

So, even though I haven't quite figured out how to execute my own linen closet redo, I have started liking this open closet system.   And, it gave me an excuse to break out my chalk markers!   I simply wrapped some lightweight cardboard in black contact paper and used the white chalk marker to identify the contents of each bin.

The bright yellow I chose for the baskets and bins makes the entire closet feel cheerful.  Having no doors really keeps us from accumulating clutter. 

Also, I don't overbuy supplies because I don't have any place to put them!

 I still need to refine the shelving and figure out how I'm going to trim out the opening, but I think I'm leaving the doors off.

Oh, and I didn't stop in the closet.  I headed downstairs and made up a few more tags.

I know lots of people have In boxes

and Fabric stashes,

but how many people have bins of Dog Balls?

Organizing makes my heart happy...can you tell?

What Do You Think I Should Do?

Okay, so here's the deal. I need your advice. Seriously. I want to know your thoughts on this, since I can't seem to come to a conclusion on my own.

When I lived in So Cal, I used to scrapbook. Not diligently, not particularly creatively, but I did get simple books done. I used to go to a scrapbooking "class" that met once a week, except it wasn't really a class. It was a evening with friends... gossiping and getting a page or two done in a scrapbook. My friend Kyle and I used that class as a way to stay in touch as I become a stay-at-home-mom and she is a big whig for a huge municipality. I treasured those classes and I like the books that got done in them.

Fast forward almost five years and I have to confess that I haven't done ANY scrapbooking since we left So Cal in 9/2005. Not one page. I have tons of scrapbooking paper, two empty albums, a lot of stickers, and a number of punches. I have the stuff that helps me cut circles, ovals, squares, and rounded corners. The stickers have been used for other craft projects and the punches have been used as well. But scrapbooking? Nada.

Until recently, I held onto my scrapbooking stuff by telling myself it doesn't expire, it doesn't hurt me to just hold on to it. Now, however, I feel like I need to use it or get rid of it. It takes up space (but I definitely have the space for it) and I feel disappointed with myself for not making scrapbooks for my kids. I have tons of pictures that I need to either get into albums or scan into my computer. If feels as if getting rid of the stuff means I'll never do anything with the pictures. I go round and round in my mind and haven't quite resolved what do. So I'm putting it out there for you to weigh in.

What do you think I should do? Do you think I should get rid of the stuff? Keep the stuff? Get rid of some of the stuff? What are your thoughts?

Our “We Have Too Much Stuff” Journey…

Picture: http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2008/05/five-ways-to-ma/

…has been a crazy one. We moved to this home in Sept. 2005, leaving the hustle and bustle of Southern California for the slower pace of Eastern Washington. The problem? We brought all our stuff with us. We filled up two PODS to do it. Seriously. Two years into our new life here, I found myself looking around and wondering to myself, why did we bring all this stuff with us ? What was I thinking? How could I have paid to move this stuff? What did I think I would do with it all? Those thoughts were quickly followed by questions about lifestyle patterns, value systems, and future goals. Why were we reinventing the life we'd been so eager to leave behind? Were we just following patterns we'd absorbed since childhood, without any deliberate plan? (Short answer: Yes!) Obviously, a change was needed. I started reading books and blogs on clutter and organization and living in small places (great sources for ideas about deliberate living) rededicating myself to the ideals I paid lip-service to. I think I sounded like a broken record a lot of the time.

Superman was slow to come around…holding on to things "just in case". Some of our oddest conversations involved things that came with the house: "Why do we have to keep the hot tub? We don't like the hot tub." "Can't we get rid of the above ground pool? The kids don't use it and it is a lot of work." His responses were varied, but adamant: he didn't want to get rid of them. They added "value" to the property. What? They didn't add value to our lives. They caused us tremendous stress…trying to keep the water levels properly adjusted, paying to keep the hot tub warm, getting the cover on and off the darned pool…they were not worth the energy they required. Honestly? I hated them. Finally, Superman wearied of the discussion and I sold the above ground pool to a family with younger children (look, teenagers don't want to play in 3.5 feet of water). With the departure of the pool, Superman saw the light. He was amazed how much lighter he felt without the worry of the pool. A few months later, the Jacuzzi was gone.

In the two and a half years since I had that epiphany, I've been off-loading belongings like crazy and, sadly, our house is NOT empty. Not even close. But I'm still chipping away, trying like heck to whittle down our belongings to those that a) we use all the time or b) we are passionately in love with. If an item doesn't meet either of those benchmarks, it is gone.

Now that Superman is living away from the family for a year, he's realized how burdened he's felt with the responsibility to maintain our "lifestyle" and how much of our lifestyle we fell into rather than deliberately created. (Yippee!) He's revisiting some of the ideas I presented to him when he wasn't so receptive. One of the most interesting articles I've found recently sums up so many of the things I've learned over the past two years…if you're at all interested in the topic, you should head over to Small Living Journal. This article on 10 Guidelines for Living Tiny written by Hillary at "thistinyhouse" was absolutely fabulous. No, I don't live small, but the guidelines are applicable to all of our lives.

Two Guidelines to whet your appetites:

"#1 – What you own, owns you." – think about it. Anything you own requires your attention, your thoughts. Once you get rid of it, the space in your mind that item took is free for other endeavors.

"#2 – What makes us feel liberated is not total freedom, but rather living in a set of limitations that we have created and prescribed for ourselves." – again, think about it. How much of what you do is because you've actually thought it out and decided that this is indeed the path for you and not because everyone else does it?

What is in store for the next year? Well, with Superman's blessings, more and more stuff is leaving our house. I don't need it, don't want it, and most of all, holding on to it doesn't make me use it, it just makes me responsible for it.

What about you? Am I the only one on this journey?

Glove/Mitten Organization

We're finally getting over whatever bug took over the Nagle5 last week, but I have no MYHSM post, nor do I have a wonderfully creative hand-made gift idea for you. What I do have is a clever idea for glove/mitten organization that I'm sharing with you all.

Moving from a one-season climate like Southern California to a four-season climate like we have here in Eastern Washington has left me scrambling for ways to organize our seasonal clothing. Truly, we need to shift our clothes from spring/summer to fall/winter each year and we have more clothes than we ever had before. One of the things I've struggled with is how to control the gloves and mittens throughout the season. Kids need numerous pairs of gloves/mittens because they get their gloves and mittens wet, which means they can go through three or more pairs per day. (Some in the dryer, some on their hands, etc.) This year, I think I've come up with something that will help us a) keep control of our own belongings and b) eliminate the often heard phrase "I don't know where my gloves are!".

This was a free solution, too, so you can jump right up and do it, too!

All you need is gloves and mittens, a few old skirt hangers, and ten minutes.

Skirt hangers normally have two clips.



Take the post off your first hanger and don't remove the clips. Take the post off your second hanger and remove one clip and immediately slide it onto the post that you've left the clips on. (It just takes a little tension to get the post out without breaking the plastic hanger.)


(Keep the clip squeezed together so the tension in the mechanism doesn't make it sproing apart!). Remove the second clip and slide it onto the post. Do the same thing with the third hanger. Then put the now-6-clip post back into the skirt hanger and, viola, you have a great way to store 6 pairs of gloves and mittens! (You can use fewer clips, too...if you notice, the one pictured is Buttercup's second one and it only has five.)

Pretty cool, isn't it? (Oh, yeah, don't forget to immediately throw away the metal posts that are now empty because your children might think they are weapons. Not that mine would ever, you understand, I'm just saying!)

We had enough skirt hangers hanging around from my used-to-wear-skirts-to-work days that we were able to do four mitten hangers - two for Buttercup, one for Valiant, and one for me.

Quick and Easy Organizational Tip

The problem of what to do with our Dance Pad mats has plagued us since with got them. First we rolled them up and put them in a closet, but they have long cords that get in the way and they just don't roll up well. (That doesn't even take into account that they take well to being rolled up all the time.) Then I stashed them in an unused part of our basement, definitely out of the way, but, too out of the way: the kids forgot about them. Well, I pulled them out last week (before I got sick) and the kids and I played on the Dance Pads for a few days and they stayed on the floor in the family room. Again, not a good solution. Then, inspiration hit: Skirt or Slacks hangers and an over the door hook (all of which I had) would do the trick beautifully.


You could use this idea to store the cute playmats for kids--you know, the ones with roads and such, or you could use this idea to do something else I do: hang up seasonal door mats and seasonal flags. Yep, I put all my door mats and seasonal flags on skirt hangers and hang them on nails in the unfinished part of our basement (your garage would work, too). Viola, easy to see and find, not wrinkled, and easy to get to. Isn't that what organization is supposed to do for you?

P.S. You can also store long table cloths this way, as well. (I have a huge one stored this way...it is in my coat closet on the far side where it is tough to see your coats anyway!)

Monday, Monday, Jump and Run Day!

When my kids were little, there was a days of the week song that had "Monday, Monday, Jump and Run Day" and the kids and I still remember it...I like the idea of jumping right into the week.

Switching our dates to Monday morning helps both Superman and me start the week on the right track. (If I'm in my car in workout clothes and a parka and am not dissuaded by the fact that the temperature is reading -1 as I'm backing out of the driveway at 7:00 a.m., it must be love, right?)

Anyway, I was home by 8:30 a.m. and ready to start my day. Here it is 11:30 a.m. and the laundry is already done, a loaf of bread is on its final rise, the Red Fox has already put me through 45 minutes of working out (yes, 1 of my 5 I've committed to doing per week!), plants are watered (they're grateful), emails checked and answered, meat is thawing for dinner, the school day has begun and I'm posting on my blog. After lunch, I'll head down with the kids and we'll focus on the stuff they need me for until 3:00 or so and we'll be done with school. And there you have it, the recipe for an awesome day!

(I feel kind of like the old Army commercial that used to play all the time: "we do more by 6:00 a.m. than most people do in an entire day!") Like momstheword, I think the key to my days is getting an early start, no matter how much I don't like getting up early.

As for the rest of the week, I have the dinner menu set. I've decided to try something new...instead of specifically scheduling each day, I've asked Superman and the kids to each pick two suggestions for dinner and we'll spread them over the 7 day period. So, beginning today, these are on the menu for this week, with their tentative days:

Valiant's favorite gravy and rice with vegetables (Monday)

Lasagna with cheese bread (Tuesday)

Turkey Burgers with homemade french fries (Wednesday)

Pizza from scratch (Friday)

Garlic Cheddar Chicken (Sunday)

Mexican Night (Saturday)

Leftovers (Thursday)

Having all these dinners set in everyone's minds will help us from wanting to go out or running to go buy the stuff for some other meal. The kids and I are going to do the same thing for our breakfasts and lunches, too, so that should help us stay on track.

Finally, for anybody who's keeping count, I'm up to 10 Egg McMuffins in 2009. I think I should be embarrassed by that, but I just not. Last week really messed with my numbers, but I'm thinking I won't do so badly this week!

How I store unfinished projects...

I almost always have a few projects going simultaneously. It just seems to work out that way. With my "craft room" being a corner of our family room, I've found it vital that I clean up my projects if I walk away for any length of time. It took me awhile to find a system for cleaning up my stuff that allows me to dive right back into the project when I have a chance. Now that I have a system that works well, I thought I'd show you what I do.

First, I have the flat Ikea storage boxes (the ones you assemble yourself). I know they're cardboard, but they're tough. The boxes I'm using were originally in Buttercup's room to help her store pictures she drew, small little toys she'd collect, etc. I'm guessing these are about 7 years old and they still look pretty good, so the boxes really are terrific (and inexpensive!). The great thing about these Ikea boxes is that they come in a variety of sizes and colors, so they work well for different types of projects.

When I'm not working on any project, the boxes are in a nice little stack on my shelf. (I know I should probably label them every time I begin a new project, but I don't seem to have projects going long enough to make it worth my time.) Each project gets a separate box that I can pull out when I have time to work on the project. In each box, I place everything for that project...all in one place and all together!

Currently, I've got Buttercup's pajama pants, the Valentine's wreath from Little Birdie Secrets, and some Valentine's bar towels I'm embellishing. As you can see, all the stuff for each project fits in its box, so I never am scrambling for the elastic for the pajama pants or the glue when I have time to work on the wreath...everything is right there. When I am done working for that session, I just pack it all back up and slide it back on the shelf. By doing this, my projects are ready for me whenever I have the time to work on them...I don't spend a lot of time looking for missing elements, etc.

Maybe this was obvious to you and you already do this, and if it was, good for you! For me, however, doing this has made it much less stressful to work on my projects. For all you moms, this is a great way to lead by example...how many times have you heard your children protest that they can't clean up because they're RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF whatever it is they are doing? If they see you do it, too, they'll be much more likely to follow your example.

Do you have any clever ideas for keeping your stuff safe and organized when you aren't done with it? Do tell!

P.S. Have I mentioned how much I miss Ikea?

Digital Camera for Cleaning and Organizing - Seriously!

After reading the title (without reading the article because I need to get off the computer!) of the post Using Photography to Declutter over at Blissfully Domestic, I walked around my house thinking of how we could use photography to declutter. I was inspired, but I went in a completely different direction than the author of that post (which is very good, but not applicable to my stage of life), but I did use my digital camera to help me and my children stay on top of things. Think about it, photos show everything! They show that you didn't vacuum when you got that awesome picture of cat doing some weird thing, or the group of kids being goofy; they show that you hadn't cleaned your counters off before carving pumpkins...basically, everything you skim over shows up in pictures. So, why not use that? That is exactly what I decided to do.

After battling for the umpteenth time with my children regarding what constitutes a clean room, it occurred to me that they just didn't see their rooms with a critical eye, so when they would tell me they'd cleaned it up, they truly meant it. They didn't see the stuff they left out, because their rooms are filled with things they love, have finished activities, piles waiting for them to come play. How could I get them to see the things I was seeing, without coming in and nitpicking and bullying to get the job done? (Here is where the inspiration comes in!) Thinking of how often I'd seen "clutter" ruin otherwise good pictures, I had them take pictures of each of their rooms and we put them up on the monitor. Shazam! It worked like magic...in a picture on the monitor, they could see their rooms the way parents do, the way their friends do, and realized that what they saw and what we all saw was completely different. All the little stuff they would leave on the floor when I asked them clean up was clearly evident in the photos. They didn't need me to say anything. They could see it for themselves. They were actually eager to clean their rooms to match their internal visions and were very eager to do before and afters. When they were done, we took more pictures and they got to compare the before and after and really "got" it.

I am not certain you can clearly see in the before and after of Valiant's room, but the floor is clean in the after, the bed is made deliberately, and the clutter has been disposed of.

So, use your camera to help you get things cleaned up, or, my favorite trick, take a picture to see if you like the decor or furniture arrangement in the picture. What you might describe as homey in real life could turn out to be just plan messy. Conversely, what you might think is not enough might turn out to be just right! And furniture arrangement that has you stymied might become clear in a photo. (The third picture? That was after I decided the room would flow better if I switched the dresser and the desk. I was right...it feels much bigger now. Oh, and it has his new duvet cover!)

The greatest thing about this trick? You don't have to print the pictures...when you're done...hit "delete"!