Paleo Challenge - Days 10 - 16 - Green Eggs & Turkey

I know, I know...you probably think I threw in the towel on the 30-day Paleo Challenge, but you'd be wrong.  I did really well until Saturday (Day 13).  Why Saturday?  Because my friend had a party to celebrate her birthday Saturday afternoon and it seems like that party was a catalyst for a really rough weekend.   I went straight from the party to a not-so-paleo dinner with my kids, followed by a not-so-paleo Mother's Day lunch on Sunday (Day 14).  Woke up yesterday (Monday - Day 15), feeling pretty crummy.  Two days of off plan really messed with my energy levels, my mood, my digestion, and my sleep patterns.  Honestly, I wouldn't have believed it could have been so dramatic if I hadn't been so conscious of it.  Seriously.  When I say "not-so-paleo", that is what I mean...I didn't go back to my old ways, but there were more carbs (tortilla chips, potatoes) and some chocolate (M&Ms).  No baked goods, no pasta, etc.  Still, the deviations from the paleo food took their toll.

So, Days 15 and 16 have been all about getting back on track.  Day 15 was rough, but Day 16 (today) felt so much better.  My energy and my moods seemed much more in sync with my life load.  I am sure it had something to do with the amazing fritatta-like casserole from Paleo Comfort Foods.  Green Eggs and Turkey turned out to be a simple, easy meal.

I made a few changes to the original recipe:  instead of artichoke hearts (which my kids vetoed), I substituted mushrooms.  Also, I added a good-sized spoonful of garlic to the ground turkey while it was browning.  Also, I added the basil to the meat, rather than waiting to add it to the vegetables as the recipe dictates.  Other than that, I pretty much stuck to the recipe...it was easy and, again, surprisingly good.  As I'm becoming used to, my kids were pretty sure I was trying to poison them...right up until they took their first bite.  After that, they grudgingly admitted this was another successful paleo meal.  Pretty cool, right?

So, I fell a bit off the wagon last weekend, but I'm still sticking to the challenge.  I confess to being very concerned that I've completely derailed my 30 day progress, though.  Fingers crossed that I can come back from this and still have decent results at the end of the 30 days.  It kind of doesn't matter, though, because I've already decided to just keep going...I feel that much better eating this way. 

Mother's Day

Norman Rockwell paintings and Hallmark cards aside, Mother's Day is not always a day of familial joy.  In years past, I've taken the opportunity to acknowledge the women who shaped my adult life and provided the wisdom and guidance that helped me reach this place in my life.  For them, I am truly grateful, but to ignore the impact my own mother had on my life would be disingenuous and, frankly, dishonest. 

I can't think of a person who plays a more important role in the life of a child than a mother.    I'm going to be 48 this October and my friends are all in the 40+ demographic.  We have our own homes, we have husbands or ex-husbands and/or children (many of whom are adults themselves) and we all still refer to judgments, dictates, and standards established by our mothers when we were children.  Most of them are a mixed bag of compliments and resentments...none of us see our mothers as perfect and none of us underestimate the role these imperfect women played in our lives.

Our mothers can be our biggest heroes and our greatest source of pain...and, in some cases, both.

My story is a mixed bag, like most of the stories out there.   My mother was the most important person in my life until I was 16.  She truly was my hero.  She's smart, beautiful, charming, strong, and capable.  Other than the embarrassing purple bikini she wore to the beach, I thought my mother was perfect...flawless.  Was my perspective healthy?  In retrospect, maybe not, but who can say?  By the time I was 18, our family fell apart, my mom and my adoptive dad divorced, and my mother's priorities changed (or maybe they didn't, maybe her actions were finally able to suit her priorities...I really can't say).  We seemed to scatter.  24 years of ups and downs after that point saw three estrangements and two reconciliations and in the end, my mother and I haven't had any contact in almost five years.
 It is a hard thing to reconcile yourself to, the reality that your own mother is someone you don't understand and don't have anything in common with, even as you acknowledge how much you've gotten from your mother.  How is it possible to be raised by someone and end up so far apart that you have no common ground? 

I used to feel angry, I used to feel frustrated, I used to feel hurt...but somewhere on this journey, I grew up.  When I try to explain to my children why they don't have their grandmother in their lives, I accept my share of the blame...I didn't follow the path I was supposed to...you might say that I rejected my mother's lifestyle.   That couldn't have been easy for her.   Now, while I wish things had turned out differently, I've let go of the rest...I am so grateful for the lessons I learned at my mother's side as a young girl.  I learned to be smart, strong, and capable.  Through the journey of reconciling myself to the "way things are", I've learned how much I value the family that Superman and I have created.  

My mother's influence has taught me that my children's lives will always be influenced by my actions.  It helps me remember that my daughter thinks of me as her hero, her greatest example of what a woman is.  It helps me remember that my sons are looking to me to model what a good wife and mother is.  Truly...the influence my own mother has played in my life even as I quickly approach 50 reminds me of the influence I have and will have on the lives of my children.

Maybe the greatest gift my mother gave me was the way my own experiences have shaped my parenting.    I don't want to do anything that will have my children think less of me.  I want to be their hero...I want them to think of me as the best me I can be.   I always want to be part of my children's lives, even if they choose lives completely different from mine.  

I don't want them to think I'm perfect, but I do want them to know that I love each of them (and Superman, who gave them to me) more than anything else in this world.

Mother's Day ...a day to remember the child I was, the mother who raised me, and, most of all, to be grateful for the children I've been blessed with.

Happy Mother's Day

(Repost from Mother's Day 2009)

Mother's Day is tomorrow [today] and as the day fast approaches, I've been thinking a lot about Mothers and Children and Women in general. Without going into details, I won't be seeing my mother tomorrow, nor will I talk with her. It is a situation unlikely to change and I've finally come to peace with those facts and all the facts that surround them. Having said that, it would be unfair not to acknowledge the things I learned from my mother as I was growing up and as I become a wife and mother myself. In addition to my mother, I've been blessed to have learned from some amazing women. In fact, without the wisdom of the women who've touched my life, I can honestly say I wouldn't have the happy and fulfilling life I have today.

So, in honor of Mother's Day, I thought I'd share with you some of the life lessons I've been fortunate enough to learn. Maybe you'll recognize yourself in the lessons...maybe not.

From my mother:

I learned to clean my room when life was feeling out of control. She was right. When you feel like you can't control or have an impact on anything around you, start with what you can control. That feeling you get from accomplishing that small task will help clear your mind and set you on the path to solving whatever is causing you conflict.

I learned to put on my best face and take that first step, even if I was scared out of my mind. Again, she was right...finally acting on a decision is far better than wringing your hands in indecision.

I learned that if you don't point out your "flaws" to other people, chances are they'll never notice them. Again, she was right. That butt you hate? If you keep your mouth closed about it, one of these days a friend will say she admires it on one of those crazy internet 20-question thingys. (Then you'll wonder if your friend is crazy, but you'll secretly be so flattered that she liked anything about your post-three children body that you'll keep your mouth shut until years later when you blog about it!)

From my dad's wife:

I learned that if you keep your mouth shut and the doors open, peace will come. Again, she was right. Someone has to be the adult and it tends to be the one who can see beyond the moment and keep her temper in check (if needed) and keep perspective.

From my really mean boss:

I learned if your name is going to be on it, make sure it is something you'll be proud to claim. She was right. If you're going to do it, you should make sure that you'll be proud to have everyone know it was done by you. Shortcuts might save you time, but doing a crummy job just demeans you. (Oh, and she was really mean, but she taught me to work my a** off and keep my head down and I survived ten years of layoffs because of the lessons I learned from her.)

From my mother-in-law:

I learned that if I want to keep my sons and their future wives connected to the family, I will need to 1) remember that I will be the grown-up when the boys get married and to cut the girls some slack and 2) that compromise will be the name of the game. Then I'll need to refer back to the lesson my dad's wife taught: Keep my mouth shut and the doors (and my heart) open and peace will reign. Sadly, this is NOT what my mother-in-law chose to do. (But I hope she's having a lovely Mother's Day with Superman's sister and her children--life is too short to hold a grudge...)

From my brother's sweet wife:

I learned you don't have to choose. Regardless of the family drama, you can choose NOT to choose sides and just keep your heart open to all sides. Other's may choose and you can't control that, but family is family and you can just keep that in your heart through it all. You can refuse to speak badly, refuse to engage in the drama and just love everyone. (She's right, but it isn't always easy to do.)

From my sister:

I learned it is never to late to live your dreams. Sometimes life just takes its own sweet time getting you to where you need to be to live them out. Then they're all the sweeter.

From my friends (In Real Life and Bloggy):

In childhood, I learned girls/women can be the harshest critics or the loyalist of supporters. The older we get, the more "true" our relationships can be because we've winnowed down our own personalities and stopped competing. We can celebrate everyone's successes without feeling personally demeaned. We can learn from the experiences of others and we can share knowledge freely, rather than hoarding it.

From one friend and her family, I learned to be brave and leave it all behind to live a little adventure. I watched her be brave (and be scared and be lonely and, ultimately, be happy again) and I thought, I can do this. So, I did. (And I was scared and lonely and, ultimately, happy that I embarked on the adventure--just like I knew I would be.)

From another friend, I learned (and I think I taught) that we're more alike than different and we need to embrace our similarities and respect our differences. We thought we were so different, but we turned out to see each other so clearly and had so much to offer each other. How sad it would have been if we'd let our difference remain all we saw. (She also taught me not to yell all the time...it was a habit and I'm so glad I broke it!)

From my husband and my children:

I've learned my capacity for love is ever increasing. Not only am I surrounded by it, but I give it freely.


So, from my home (and heart) to yours,

Happy Mother's Day...knowing you has made me a better wife and mother (and overall human being) and I appreciate all you've so generously given me.

Mother's Day - The Finale

(My babies - Spring 2000)

Being a mother is a blessing, plain and simple. In a society that views wage earning as the highest calling a woman can follow, caring for hearth and home has been demeaned and diminished to the point that we feel guilty for following our heart's desires to be at home.

My mother is strong, my mother is beautiful, my mother is smart, but my mother didn't understand that being a mother mattered in big-picture way. She could hardly wait to be done being a mother. One of the things I've wished was that my mother hadn't embraced the whole "turn your daughter into your best friend" movement. While my friends thought my mom was the coolest mom ever, I really, really needed and wanted a mother. I really didn't want to hear her marriage woes, intimate details of her relationships with her boyfriends, etc.

So, I learned by her negative (to me) example that I am NOT supposed to be my children's best friend. I want them to have friends to dish dirt to, to complain about me to, to do stupid things with.

I am their mother...I am more than a friend. From the moment I began sharing my womb with them, I became willing to lay down my life for my children. I will always keep their best interests in my heart, I will not always tell them what they want to hear, and I will never put them in the awkward position of feeling that they are compromising their loyalty to one parent or another. This doesn't mean I don't or won't make mistakes. It doesn't mean we'll always get along. It does mean that they will have confidence that I will not put my happiness and well-being above theirs...I made that commitment to them. It is just that simple.

This says it better than I could, so I'm going to completely steal a part of post my friend T @ Generations Gone By wrote in January -- I told her I was going to, so it is okay. (You can see her whole post here - you'll love it.)

Here is the part I wanted to share with you:
"My mom is not my best friend. She’s my mom. I love her and she’s special, but she has her own special place that no friend could ever fill in my heart. Mom’s spirit is so large that it fills that entire area of my heart and always will. I don’t need anyone else to fill it."

If my children feel the way T does about her mother, then I will have done my job. If you do feel the way T does, then tell your mom how much you appreciate her...even if she annoys the heck out of you. After all, it is her job.

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day Musings...

Mother's Day is tomorrow and as the day fast approaches, I've been thinking a lot about Mothers and Children and Women in general. Without going into details, I won't be seeing my mother tomorrow, nor will I talk with her. It is a situation unlikely to change and I've finally come to peace with those facts and all the facts that surround them. Having said that, it would be unfair not to acknowledge the things I learned from my mother as I was growing up and as I become a wife and mother myself. In addition to my mother, I've been blessed to have learned from some amazing women. In fact, without the wisdom of the women who've touched my life, I can honestly say I wouldn't have the happy and fulfilling life I have today.

So, in honor of Mother's Day, I thought I'd share with you some of the life lessons I've been fortunate enough to learn. Maybe you'll recognize yourself in the lessons...maybe not.

From my mother:

I learned to clean my room when life was feeling out of control. She was right. When you feel like you can't control or have an impact on anything around you, start with what you can control. That feeling you get from accomplishing that small task will help clear your mind and set you on the path to solving whatever is causing you conflict.

I learned to put on my best face and take that first step, even if I was scared out of my mind. Again, she was right...finally acting on a decision is far better than wringing your hands in indecision.

I learned that if you don't point out your "flaws" to other people, chances are they'll never notice them. Again, she was right. That butt you hate? If you keep your mouth closed about it, one of these days a friend will say she admires it on one of those crazy internet 20-question thingys. (Then you'll wonder if your friend is crazy, but you'll secretly be so flattered that she liked anything about your post-three children body that you'll keep your mouth shut until years later when you blog about it!)

From my dad's wife:

I learned that if you keep your mouth shut and the doors open, peace will come. Again, she was right. Someone has to be the adult and it tends to be the one who can see beyond the moment and keep her temper in check (if needed) and keep perspective.

From my really mean boss:

I learned if your name is going to be on it, make sure it is something you'll be proud to claim. She was right. If you're going to do it, you should make sure that you'll be proud to have everyone know it was done by you. Shortcuts might save you time, but doing a crummy job just demeans you. (Oh, and she was really mean, but she taught me to work my a** off and keep my head down and I survived ten years of layoffs because of the lessons I learned from her.)

From my mother-in-law:

I learned that if I want to keep my sons and their future wives connected to the family, I will need to 1) remember that I will be the grown-up when the boys get married and to cut the girls some slack and 2) that compromise will be the name of the game. Then I'll need to refer back to the lesson my dad's wife taught: Keep my mouth shut and the doors (and my heart) open and peace will reign. Sadly, this is NOT what my mother-in-law chose to do. (But I hope she's having a lovely Mother's Day with Superman's sister and her children--life is too short to hold a grudge...)

From my brother's sweet wife:

I learned you don't have to choose. Regardless of the family drama, you can choose NOT to choose sides and just keep your heart open to all sides. Other's may choose and you can't control that, but family is family and you can just keep that in your heart through it all. You can refuse to speak badly, refuse to engage in the drama and just love everyone. (She's right, but it isn't always easy to do.)

From my sister:

I learned it is never to late to live your dreams. Sometimes life just takes its own sweet time getting you to where you need to be to live them out. Then they're all the sweeter.

From my friends (In Real Life and Bloggy):

In childhood, I learned girls/women can be the harshest critics or the loyalist of supporters. The older we get, the more "true" our relationships can be because we've winnowed down our own personalities and stopped competing. We can celebrate everyone's successes without feeling personally demeaned. We can learn from the experiences of others and we can share knowledge freely, rather than hoarding it.

From one friend and her family, I learned to be brave and leave it all behind to live a little adventure. I watched her be brave (and be scared and be lonely and, ultimately, be happy again) and I thought, I can do this. So, I did. (And I was scared and lonely and, ultimately, happy that I embarked on the adventure--just like I knew I would be.)

From another friend, I learned (and I think I taught) that we're more alike than different and we need to embrace our similarities and respect our differences. We thought we were so different, but we turned out to see each other so clearly and had so much to offer each other. How sad it would have been if we'd let our difference remain all we saw. (She also taught me not to yell all the time...it was a habit and I'm so glad I broke it!)

From my husband and my children:

I've learned my capacity for love is ever increasing. Not only am I surrounded by it, but I give it freely.


So, from my home (and heart) to yours,

Happy Mother's Day...knowing you has made me a better wife and mother (and overall human being) and I appreciate all you've so generously given me.

Mother's Day is Coming...

...and I'm just so grateful to the women in my life who help me to be the best wife and mother I can be by giving me support and friendship throughout the year, so I made them a little token of my appreciation. I saw these "coasters" from Tricia-Rennea and thought, "Those would be cute in a flower pot." So I printed them up, glued two of them to a popsicle stick, and modge podged both sides to make them shiny.


Then I took the flower pots I found at the Dollar Spot at Target, and added Zinnias I found a the local garden center. Viola! A token of my appreciation for my friends.


I also potted a verbena (I just love verbena, don't you) and added it to the bag I gave my friend for her birthday. (I was able to give it to her last night--her birthday is actually on Mother's Day...she loved them both.)

What do you think? Aren't they cute? Learning to do more and more for myself means I can give the kind of present I like to receive. I feel good about it because I'm giving of myself, too.