Bath time?

For a kitten who doesn't really like to take a bath, I found it amusing to discover where Bean was hiding...

Monday Musings - Expectations

A few weeks ago, I was stunned to discover that someone I hold affection for charged me with the crime of "humiliating" my children (they added other charges, but this is the one that hit me the hardest).  Seriously, I was floored and confused.  These individuals took it upon themselves to contact my husband OVERSEAS to make sure he knew what they thought about my parenting methods...that is right, their opinion wasn't brought to me directly.  Instead, it was communicated to someone who is 12,000 miles from home and powerless to do anything about it.   I heard about it from Superman!  Furthermore, the charge was brought by people who have had very little exposure to my typical daily life or that of my children and, yet, felt that the sliver they'd seen was enough from which to make such a judgment. 

Did I mention I was stunned?  Seriously stunned.  After I got over being offended and feeling attacked, betrayed, and defensive, I took a deep breath and tried to figure what the h*** was going on.  I began by asking people who do spend a lot of time with me and my children in varied settings and circumstances if they, too, observed that I humiliate my children.  Why?  Why would I put such a question out there for all to answer?  While I obviously don't feel I humiliate my children and I find the idea distressful, I was willing to put myself out there to solicit feedback from friends and family just in case I was wrong.  Just in case I was no longer viewing my own life with any clarity.

Not one person I asked (and I asked a lot of people because I was so concerned about the charge leveled against me) thought there was even a shred of validity to the claim.  (Trust me...I asked people who would be more than willing to say such things to my face and no one had any idea where I came up with such an idea.)  Okay, then.  I breathed a little deeper.  Then virtually all of them asked the same question:  What did you do to these people that would make them attack you so boldly?  The question I'd asked them was so absurd, in their estimation, that it was clear to them I was being targeted by these people for some other crime.  Since I couldn't begin to guess, I let that part go. 

Still, I had a mystery to solve.  I asked Valiant.  Do you have any idea what these people might be talking about?  Nope.  I asked Superman again.  Any other details you can give me?  An example cited to support the claim, perhaps?  Bingo! 

It turns out I corrected Valiant, my 14-year old, in front of these people and I wasn't gentle and kind.  There it was...I knew roughly what had happened.  I maintained my high expectations for Valiant despite the fact that there were witnesses.  I did not humiliate him, but I did call him on behavior that was beneath the expectations he has for himself, as well as the expectations I have for him.  There it was...I parented my son with no regard to witnesses.

I called my son on his unacceptable actions (I'd tell you what they were, but neither Valiant nor I can remember and Superman didn't get the specifics).   Dumping the trash, scooping the poop, math, typing, spelling, some other chore...these are the commitments my son shirks.    I'm sure Valiant didn't like it.  I'm sure he felt embarrassed to be called on his behavior.  I'm also sure he felt ashamed of himself for not doing whatever it was he was supposed to do.  So many people aren't doing the job themselves that these people don't recognize parenting when they actually see it.   How sad is that? 

My job, as I see it, is to raise capable adults.  My job is not raise adult-sized children who will NOT be able to support themselves and will be living at home when they're 30.  My job is to raise children who know how to judge for themselves whether or not they are meeting expectations and will be able to change their behavior accordingly.  

Furthermore, I expect Valiant to grow up to be a MAN, not just a male.  That means I expect Valiant to live a life in which his word is his bond.  Not living up to his word even with his mother should not be acceptable to him, let alone anyone else.

We live in a society wherein the expectations for individual behavior and responsibility, let alone those we have for our children, are so low as to be non-existent.  We have "adult" children who never leave their parents' homes, even if they move out for a little while, they come back or continue to get extra "help" from Mommy and Daddy.  (Think I'm harsh?  Even the new healthcare law has a provision for us to provide health insurance to our "children" until they are 26 years old because it is not "fair" to expect them to provide for themselves!!)  We have mothers who are constantly making excuses as to why little Tommy can't be held responsible for his own actions and fathers who are willing to give up the fight to parent their own children.  We have babies for whom all financial support comes from the tax-payers because it is not "fair" to expect their parents to step up to the plate and actually act responsibly.   In short, our societal expectations are so low that it is no wonder I was condemned as "humiliating" my child(ren) because I actually acted like a parent.  I actually have expectations for their behavior and I stand by those expectations.

I stand firm that expectations matter.  I'd rather have my children come back to me and say that my expectations for them were too high than to have them come back to me and ask me why I didn't think they were good enough to reach the peak.  Think expectations don't matter?  Wes Moore thinks you're wrong and has an amazing example to prove it.  The Other Wes Moore:  Two boys in the same horrible circumstances...one was raised with the expectation that he could and would do more and one was raised that circumstances were too much for him to transcend.   Guess which one surpassed all expectations?

As you can imagine, Superman and I have had numerous conversations since the charges were leveled against me.  Superman has also had numerous conversations with our children when I'm not around, just to be certain I'm not hiding anything.  He still feels confident that his family is well, but his last few weeks have been more stressful than necessary.   I think it is really sad that this element of watchfulness has been added to our lives.  I wish I could say I'm not angry anymore, but I'd be lying.  I'm still feeling angry, hurt, betrayed, and disappointed.

So, what do you think?  Do you have high expectations for your children or do you think we're too hard on kids as it is?

Food for Thought

"Everyone who got to where they are
had to begin where they were."
- Richard Paul Evans

If you never start the journey, no matter how slowly, where will you be a year from now?

Friends and dishes...

Do you remember when you were younger...high school and just beyond?  Friends were people you went dancing with, went shopping with, talked about boys with.  Years go by and you grow up.  Your needs and wants change.  You don't go dancing and shopping is more likely be about heading to Home Depot than heading to Nordstrom.

Friends still find a way to warm your heart though.  It makes you feel special to know they're there, even if they are just as busy as you are.

Remember this picture and my incredulous post about my latest phosphate-free dishwasher experience?  I seriously wondered if I'd be forever more hand-washing my dishes.  I was obviously forgetting about my friends.

One friend emailed and offered to share her contraband dishwasher powder, even going so far as to being willing to be my dealer.  How sweet was that?  She skirts the law and I reap the benefits...now that  is friendship!

Another friend emailed and offered to ship the "good stuff" directly to me from Texas.  Wasn't that wonderful?  Another friend willing to be a black-market dealer...can you ask for more?

Another friend was quick to email me with what worked in her mom's house (said house is in our water district, so it matters).  I was just so touched.  (Oh, and I'm envious that it works in her mom's house, because that combo didn't work in mine.  I hope her mom a) knows how wonderful her daughter is and b) knows how lucky she is to have clean dishes!)

And yet another friend handed me two samples of the product that works in her house.   It was like a drug deal that was free (and legal).  I slipped the "package" in my pocket and went about my business.  I was feeling the love, I tell you!  Anyway, I went home and tried the Finish Powerball as soon as we got a half a load full of dishes.  (Seriously, I figured when I rewashed them, I'd only have to wash half a dishwasher full.  Can you tell I had low expectations?)

Imagine my surprise when I opened the dishwasher and pulled out clean dishes, clear glasses, and sparkly silverware.  Not to get giddy, but I still wasn't convinced.  Nope, I filled the dishwasher completely and put the second sample to the test.  It worked.  Seriously worked! 

I don't know if it was the blue layer, the white layer, or the cute little red ball in the center, but it worked.  Woot!  What a win!  Not only did I get to be surrounded by the warmth of friendship, but my dishes are clean.  But don't take my word for it, judge for yourself.

Yippee! Aren't they bright and clear?  As you can see, I will not be driven to life on the lamb.  No life of crime will be necessary.  No exorbitant shipping costs will be incurred and no friends will be inconvenienced by my dishwasher dilemma.   Shiny clean dishes and good friends.  Does life get any better than this?

Fertilizer Friday - Evening Edition!

Phew!  Fertilizer Friday already - where does the time go? What a busy day...I Skyped with Superman this morning, the last of our kittens has now been fixed, my back was adjusted by my amazing chiropractor, and I even managed to go to lunch with a bunch of the ladies in my neighborhood.  Still, it wasn't dark when I got back from picking up the kitten from the vet, so I headed outside with my camera to show you some of our mid-summer garden progress.

Look at this lily.  I got these bulbs on clearance from Home Depot last year and really had no idea what would come up.  This bloom is already four days old and it has been HOT here...still, it is gorgeous, isn't it?

My neighbor gave me this plant.  I can't remember what it is called, but I keep moving the pot around to see where it will shine in my garden.  The reddish leaves make it stand-out amongst the rest of the greenery.

The zucchini and pumpkin plants are doing well, too.  They're actually loving the heat...we just harvested 3 zucchini last week.

The koi love it when I add water to the pond...too bad they won't pose for pictures!

The apple tree is bearing so much fruit, now I have to figure out how to save it from the birds!

Even the tomatoes are getting into the act.

Finally, these orange day lilies have been blooming beautifully...see?

There you have it...the Nagle5 garden Mid-summer 2010.  What is going on in your world these days?

Reality Check...

When good home decorating meets three bad little kittens:

Sigh.  Not quite the look I was going for, but since I did it, I haven't found a kitten halfway up a panel.

Shoot Me (24 of 52) - Broken Wrist Edition

I haven't been keeping up with my Shoot Me submissions because life keeps getting in the way.  That's not to say I don't think about them...I just find it hard to put myself in front of the camera (still).  The kids and I were clowning around today, though, and I thought I'd share the results:

A broken left wrist...oh,no!

Oh, wait...are you sure it's mine?

Nope, it's Valiant's.  Poor guy.

Yes, it's true.  A week and a half ago, Valiant broke his wrist.  We just found out yesterday for certain that he won't need surgery on it (phew!).  Here's the story I'm supposed to tell you:

"A box full of kittens was left in the middle of the street, in the path of an on-coming semi-truck.  Valiant being, well, valiant raced into the street in the face of certain peril to rescue the poor, unfortunate kittens and was clipped by the semi truck, leaving him with a broken wrist and a boxful of healthy kittens." 

The true story involved a scooter and our driveway and isn't nearly as interesting.

Head over to Carin's at Forever in Blue Jeans and jump into the Shoot Me party.  Trust me, they won't mind if you miss a few weeks here and there...they still let me play and 7 posts behind!

They DO Exist! (Strange Facts)

No, I'm not talking about Santa and the M&M guys.  I'm talking about huckleberries.  If you're not familiar with the Pacific Northwest, you may not have ever had these little beauties.  Apparently, they are difficult to cultivate and so remain a rarity.  A cousin of the easier-to-cultivate blueberry, huckleberries are much more flavorful than their blue cousins and range in color from crimson to deep purple.  Given their rarity, many people have never heard of huckleberries outside of Huckleberry Hound (for those of us of a certain age) and a saying that most people don't really understand:  "I'm your huckleberry" means "I'm the right person for the task/job".

In fact, when we first moved here, Superman thought I was joking when I said I was so excited to taste huckleberries again.  He told me there was no such thing as a huckleberry.  Well, I guess the joke was definitely on him.  In fact, huckleberries are the official fruit of Idaho (who knew?) and are one of the fun signs of summer in this region.

Buttercup recently went huckleberry picking and came up with these shiny beauties, as well as some wild raspberries.  After we ate our fill, there were not enough to bake with, but they made an awesome addition to a fruit smoothy.  It was so good.  There you have it, proof positive, they DO exist.

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