"Swedish Death Cleaning" also known as "Your Kids Don't Want It"

 

Have you heard of “Swedish Death Cleaning”?  If you haven’t, I urge you to do a quick search and read up on it, but basically it is the idea that you go through all the stuff you’ve been holding on to for years so that when you do die, you haven’t left a mess of stuff for your family to sift through.  The process forces you to acknowledge well in advance of your absence that your children aren’t going to want all of your stuff and you have the responsibility (burden? chore?) to dispose of it appropriately.  This is NOT Marie Kondo’s “does it spark joy?”…no, this is, “Will it spark joy for the people who have to deal with it when I’m not here to deal with it myself?”  It’s really a game changer and really can be tackled by anyone, at any stage of life.

 

Let me back up, though.  This journey started BEFORE we became empty nesters.  Our neighbors moved from a home where they’d lived for two decades, where they’d raised their family and, while I expected there to be a lot of stuff, I was actually stunned by the sheer volume of stuff that came out of their house and it just kept coming.  I was simply stunned.  Yes, they’d lived in their house a few years longer than we had lived in our, but still.  Did I have that much stuff filling the unseen corners of my home?  That was the moment I started looking at my own house and the things that filled it through new eyes and started getting rid of stuff.  The question I posed as I looked around a room?  Would I move this stuff?  Seriously, do I like it enough to pack it up and lug it to a new home?  As you might imagine, the number of times my honest answer was,  “Um, no,” was high.

 

We all have so much “stuff” these days and it can easily cross into too much stuff.  Take your kitchen, for example.  How much stuff do you have in your kitchen?  How many appliances do you have that you NEVER use?  I have a milk shake maker…I am lactose-intolerant and I don’t like milk shakes!  (My husband loves milk shakes, however, and won’t let me get rid of it, even though he has never used it…we inherited it and WE HAVE NEVER USED IT!)  Bundt pan, anyone?  And when, exactly, was the last time you made a bundt cake? 

Do you have a springform pan?  When was the last time you actually made a cheesecake?  Also, how many cookbooks do you have?  Do you ever actually open them and look for a new recipe to try?  Do you see where I’m going with this?  Why do we have all of this stuff?  What exactly are we saving it all for?

 

Anyway, I digress.  The point is, watching (and helping) our neighbors move, I was motivated to get rid of a bunch of stuff even before the kids moved out.  But that was only the beginning…

 

We were one of those families that held on to a lot of stuff “for when the kids moved out”. They each took what they wanted and left the rest behind.  Yep, you read that correctly: a bunch of stuff “for the kids” was left behind when the kids moved out BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T ACTUALLY WANT IT.    When they had the option to take it or leave it, they left it.  Your children aren’t going to value the same things you do because, wait for it, they aren’t you.  They grew up in a different era than you did and they have different taste and different priorities.  Think about it.  When was the last time you heard of anyone wanting the family china?  I know of people who are desperate to get someone to take one of the MULTIPLE sets of the china they’ve inherited because they can’t bear to sell it or give it away because it meant so much to Aunt So and So and it was so nice of them to leave it to them.  Their kids don’t want it, their siblings don’t want it.  Life is different now and china doesn’t hold the same significance for this generation that it did for previous generations and all the hoarding in the world isn’t going to change that.  Combine this with the fact that modern households already have so much stuff and you can see the beauty of Swedish Death Cleaning.  With this process, you have to get real and you have to make hard decisions.

 

The questions are:  Why do I have this?  Do I use or do I just want it? Will/do my children want it? If I’m “saving it for them”, why don’t I just give it to them now?  There are no wrong answers.  It’s the process that matters.

 

So, how did it work for me?  (When in doubt, I did double check with my kids before getting rid of something I really thought they could use.)  The easy stuff first:  Firstly, any furniture that the kids didn’t take with them when they moved out and that we didn’t love or have a use for was donated.  This included art that was not currently on the walls and various other decorative items I seem to always have waiting in the wings. 

 

Then, we got rid of “family with kids stuff” that didn’t get taken…board games we weren’t fond of, extra bikes, camping equipment, sports equipment, etc.  My husband even gave away his RC car to a kid who was thrilled to have it.  (During this part of the process, one of my kids did actually want the camping equipment we were getting rid of, so score one for Mom.)  Still, all of this was pretty easy to deal with because we weren’t talking a lot of emotional attachment to the stuff we were going through.  Not really attached to “Disney Monopoly”, you know?  This part of the cleaning was much more a process of considering, “does this serve a function in our current phase of life?”    The same went for a lot of files I had kept over the years.  Stuff like paperwork for the purchase of our first house and tax returns for 30 years…why leave those for anyone to deal with?  Also, I didn’t really need my kids pre- and post-orthodontic photos any more.  Nor did I need their curriculum paperwork (as a homeschooler, I did need this stuff until they transitioned to college and the “official” records would suffice).  I scanned the stuff I wanted to keep and shredded everything.  (My file drawers have so much room!)

 

Next, I tackled my sewing room and this is where it got harder, partly because I still actively sew and partly because, “hey, I might use it!”.  Still, I got rid of patterns I was never going to sew, because I’ve learned more about sewing what I wear since I bought them.  I got rid of sewing books that had disappointed or just weren’t helpful to me.  I even got rid of some fabric that I just didn’t like and knew I wasn’t going to use for anything.  I feel I made some progress here, but I think as long as I am sewing, this room will be a work in progress.

 

Then came the emotional, tug at your heart strings stuff.  The photos and other keepsakes, like stuff animals, yearbooks and various kids’ keepsakes.  Additionally, I had somehow become the repository of a bunch of stuff from various family members and I didn’t want punt it down the road for my kids to deal with, so I dug in.  First things first, I taped up empty boxes for each of the kids and filled them with sentimental items I had saved over the years.  Mickey Mouse ears, check.  Cute baby t-shirt, check.  Art that was sent home from school, check.  Each kid got boxes of varying size, depending upon whether I’d off-loaded any of their stuff to them earlier.  (Charming’s box was pretty small, because as my oldest, I’ve been handing his stuff off to him for years!)  All in all, this was pretty straight forward because I’d been pretty organized throughout the years.  It was time for me to well and truly say goodbye to this stage of life and by handing these items off to the kids, I was doing just that.  So, I packed it all up and shipped it off to the rightful owners.  My children can decide for themselves if some art something or other is still special to them or it isn’t and if it isn’t, then they can get rid of it.

 

Additionally, I have a cousin who does genealogy and I sent stuff to her.  (She was thrilled.)  I have a half-brother who should have all of the stuff associated with his father’s family that had somehow ended up in my house. (Bet he’s not so thrilled, but I’m sure his wife is, so there is that.) This stuff was sent to the people who should be the keepers of their heritage, rather than having it tucked away in boxes in my closet.  It felt so good to send it on its way, knowing it was going where it belonged.

 

Then came the photos.  So many photos.  So many pre-digital camera photos.  Boxes of photos and boxes of negatives.  Here is a painful truth for you:  You know how you’re absolutely in love with your child and you just take photo after photo after photo of the child being absolutely adorable while its sleeping or sitting or eating?  Yeah?  Well, actually, no one is going to want to sift through 600 photos of the same child at the same age doing the same thing (which we know is just sitting there being adorable) in slightly different positions.  Man, I was in love with my kids and when I went through the photos, I was immediately transported back to that time and my heart swelled with the love I have for those children.  But guess what?  Some of them were still crappy photos and we didn’t need 600 of them.  Sooo, I set about the task of curating the photos.  I was brutal.  I didn’t give a photo a second chance.  If it went in the toss pile, it stayed in the toss pile.  I was hard-hearted and I THREW AWAY PHOTOS OF MY PRECIOUS CHILDREN.  There, I said it.  I threw them away!  But the ones I kept were the good photos, the ones my children will be able to show their children someday, the ones that will make THEM smile in remembrance.  I am also doing the hard work of scanning the photos I’ve retained into the computer and labeling them with names and dates so the details won’t be lost.  I’m doing the same with the photos I’ve inherited, while I still remember who the people in them are.  When I’m all done scanning everything into the computer, I will send each child a drive with the complete collection.  Photos of them, their siblings, their ancestors, their previous homes, their fun vacations, the works.  They’ll each have them all and again, they won’t have to try to sort through this stuff on their own.

 

I still have work to do.   I have tackled the kitchen a few times already…I still have that darned milk shake maker.  I have some children’s books I need to pass along to my youngest.  I still have holiday decorations to go through (seriously…I’m not creating a winter wonderland for my kids at Christmas any longer, so I don’t actually want this many decorations.)  My goal is to make it so that there are no closets full of stuff I haven’t looked at in years, no surprises in trunks or bins, no cupboards I’m afraid to open.  I really want to know exactly what we have and why we have it.  

 

The way I see it, this is not really about preparing for dying, it’s about living deliberately.  There you have it:  my take on “Swedish Death Cleaning” or as I think of it, “Your Kids Really Don’t Want It”.

Where Everything Has Changed...

 

After almost two years, our empty nest life has become our new normal.  To be honest, it took a while to settle in.  So many aspects of all of our lives have changed over the past two years and, frankly, it has been a challenge for all of us.  It was hard to find steady ground at times during this period and what we ended up with at the other end doesn’t look anything like what we would have imagined, if we’d actually slowed down enough during the child-raising years to imagine the empty nest years at all.  When you’re in the throes of active parenting, all of your decisions are filtered through the lens of “what do the kids need?” and when that time comes to an end, it is startling and uncomfortable.  Your role in the world has suddenly been redefined.  We have found ourselves at a bit of a loss at times, as we try to figure out what we “want” to do, rather than being driven by what we feel we “need” to do.  It’s a muscle we haven’t flexed in more than 30 years and it took us a while to get comfortable using it again.  But, two years in, we are definitely getting the hang of it.  We’ve spent money on the house doing projects we had put off for years…we’ve spent money on ourselves, because, hey, we can!  We’ve even travelled a little.  But those are the external representations of the shift our lives have taken and those are the easy parts.

 

In my opinion, no one is really talking about for the internal changes that come along with your empty nest.  (Trust me, I’ve searched!)  Conversations with many friends at the same stage of life confirm this—no one talks about this transition in any meaningful way.  It’s always “Oh, I can hardly wait for these kids to get out of the house” or “Oh, I never want them to leave me!” or my favorite, the “I can hardly wait to be a grandma so I can babysit”…none of these were me.  It seems as if the middle ground of your children actually growing up and leaving the way they’re supposed to and how that will make you feel isn’t really talked about. It’s loss and guilt all wrapped up in one tidy package. Let me explain:  The first year all of my kids were gone from my daily life, I missed them. I missed them terribly.  I missed their friendship, I missed knowing what was going on with them, I missed the frenetic energy they brought to my days, I missed knowing what I was supposed to be doing with my time…I missed it all.  When I’d go visit them, I’d be sad to leave…still feeling an active sense of loss for what had been and where I fit in the world.  But, as time passed and my life settled into new routines and patterns, I found I didn’t feel that active sense of loss any longer.  I didn’t worry constantly about their relationship woes or their finances or whether they were “safe”.  I was able to trust in the parenting job we’d done, knowing that we had raised perfectly capable individuals who knew how to reach me if they needed me.  The fact that they didn’t NEED me was a testament to the job we did as parents and that was a good thing.  Honestly, it was liberating to be free of all of that responsibility, until the guilt hit.  Why didn’t I miss them?  Why wasn’t I worried about them?  Was something wrong with me because I had cheerfully moved along?  Why didn’t I want to just “help them out” when they faced a challenge?  Was I just a selfish person now?  And as for the “grandma babysitting part”?  Is it terrible that I feel when my children have children of their own, those will be their children, not mine? That I will help out as I see appropriate, but that it is NOT my responsibility to provide for the child?   That I don’t want to be a daycare provider?  See what I mean?  No one talks about all of this stuff.  Seriously.  No one prepares you for this part, but it is part of the process.  Eventually, I concluded that it was what it was.  That there are no “right” answers…that empty nesting is as varied as families and that I didn’t need to feel guilt for what my relationship with my adult children evolved into.   Letting go, for me, is going to look different than it does for other empty nesters.  I really truly feel as if I’ve handed the reins of their lives to my adult children and I’m charting a new course. I’m still married to their faither, so for me, that means rekindling an established relationship and letting in grow in new directions and that is where a lot of my energy goes these days.  Other empty nesters might remain fully engaged in their adult children’s daily lives, but that’s not me.  Yes, I’m aware of the interests they have, the milestones they’re chasing, and, I like to think, some of the challenges they’re facing. Other empty nesters might love the feeling of racing to their adult children’s rescue at the hint of a hardship coming their way, renewing their sense that they’re needed, but I’m not that parent.  I like knowing that they’re on their way and that they’ve got this.  I don’t actually want them counting on me to live their daily lives.  Other empty nesters might long for the day when they can immerse themselves in their grandchildren’s lives, but that’s not me.  Of course, I want to be part of my grandchildren’s lives, but I don’t want to be a daycare provider…I want to visit and play and then give them back to their parents.  Parenting small children is hard work and, honestly, while I absolutely adored that time of my life, I’m also very much done with it. 

 

As it stands now, Superman and I are looking towards our future together.  Our children are scattered across the country these days, and really aren’t close to each other as they navigate their adult lives, something we didn’t really see coming.  They’re each very different (which we did know) and their paths reflect this.  Charming is living in Seattle and is an author who has published two YA novels.  Valiant is married and working in CyberSecurity on the East Coast.  Buttercup is also married and busy preparing for the birth of her first child this summer.  (See?  The grandparent questions were definitely relevant.)  For the short run, at least, there will not be the big family vacations we kind of/sort of envisioned.  Each of them is forging their own path and I am proud to say they are all thriving.  When we part from them after a visit, we are ready to head to our home and leave them to theirs, having the glow of a lovely trip to hold us over until the next time we get together.  I think this is how it is supposed to be.  We are now looking to our lives, just as they look to theirs.

 

This whole empty nest thing has been a journey of a few years, full of missteps and heart aches, as well as happy and fulfilling times.  We’ve gotten to know our children as the adults they have become and we have gotten to know the people we have come to be, after 30+ years of marriage and parenting.  If your life is a novel and your childhood chapters make up Part One, the chapters where you are the main character and everything is about your journey to adulthood, then the pairing up with someone and raising children chapters make up Part Two, where your focus is on your home and your children and helping them grow up and that is good, but it is not the end of the story.  It’s a big part, but it is not all there is.  What we’re looking towards now is our Part Three, where we look back fondly at Parts One and Two, but look eagerly ahead to the first few chapters of Part Three.

Let the Journey Begin!!

I decided to dust off this little blog because my searches for empty nester-focused blogs yielded pretty much zilch.  I want to know how other people handle this cataclysmic shift in our way of life, especially if they're not in any hurry for grandchildren.  What does life look like when your children and their needs aren't always at the forefront of your concerns?   

Before we try to answer those questions and the many more that will come along, let me get you caught up on the Nagle5 News that is fit to be shared!

Superman was home as scheduled for his Christmas 2019 trip when we got the news his entire company had evacuated from Iraq the first week of 2020.  (Remember the assassination of that Iranian general while he was in Iraq when people were afraid we'd go to war?  That's what I'm talking about.)  Well, a pandemic cooled the talk of war it became clear he wasn't going back any time soon.  At that time, we still had Valiant and Buttercup living at home, as well as Buttercup's boyfriend, and Valiant's girlfriend was a steady presence in our home, so the first lockdown here in Washington State meant that, in the course of a month and a half, I went from really feeding no one because the kids were adults and doing their own thing to feeding six adults a couple times a day.  Our grocery bill sky rocketed and the kitchen was never closed.  It was a shock to the system for me, let me tell you.  

Fortunately, only Valiant's job was affected by the lockdown policies (RIP events industry) and life in our household could go on as normal.  Superman continued to work from home and, as the pandemic continued and it became clear his job overseas was going to be unstable at best, he changed firms, so his travel is now limited to  domestic travel only for the foreseeable future.  (That 14-hour Emirates flight from Seattle to Dubai is already a slog...I can't imagine doing it in a mask!!)

In April, Buttercup and her boyfriend moved into their own place in town and in September, Valiant and his girlfriend moved across country to start their new lives in Virginia.  After having six adults in the house non-stop for a number of months, I confess I was thrilled to become an empty nester (sorry, kids!).  The second the last of the kids moved out, I converted one bedroom to a bona fide office for Superman, who finds himself working from home more than he'd anticipated, and I turned the other bedroom in a nice guest room (anybody want to come visit?).   

The empty nest fun took a pause when both Superman and I got the 'rona in early November, but two weeks of feeling like crap later, and we were back at it.

After that, I started purging a ton of stuff.  You know the stuff: the stuff you hold on to because "the kids might want it".  Yeah, no.  If they didn't take it and it's not a keepsake, it's gone!   Thank goodness Goodwill opened up again, or I'd have a mound of stuff in limbo. As the holiday stuff came out, I even sorted through that to get rid of a bunch of stuff.  Superman and I like to decorate, but not in an over-the-top kind of way, so with no kids at home, I was free to sort through the seasonal decor items, too.  (I put the bulk of the purging on pause to get ready for the holidays, but I'm itching to get back to it now.)

Fortunately for our transition to empty nesters, our kids were all able to come home for Christmas, so we didn't have the shock of no kids at the holidays, but I'm already anticipating the changes we will need to make for next year.  

I'm not going to lie, this empty nest thing is new and weird and bittersweet.  My children are some of my favorite people to have in my daily life and losing that has definitely felt like a "loss".  That said, at some point it occurred to me that Superman and I threw ourselves wholeheartedly into trying to be the best parents we could be, beginning when we were pregnant with Charming, and that we'd lived that way for the past 30 years.  There is an exciting freedom, in fact that we no longer have to make decisions based upon "what would be best for the kids" or "what do the kids need right now" and we're both bouncing around a bit with all of this freedom as we explore what WE want.

Cliff Notes on 2020 recap: Evacuation, Pandemic, Lockdown, Child 3 moves out, Child 2 moves out, everyone come home for Christmas and goes back to their own homes and we're on our own again!

As I've written before, this blog began its life as a way for me to share our lives with family and friends across the country.  As the children reached a certain age, I concluded that to continue to share in such a way was compromising their privacy and my blog faded away.  But life continues, and our journey continues, and my blog will be reinvented again, this time as a way to share life not only with family and friends, but as a way to share this next stage of life for other people looking for answers to "what now?" So, feel free to come along if you'd like, but if the tales of fledgling empty nesters are not your thing, that's okay, too.

Year End Recap -- Change was in the Air

2016 is already a memory.  I can hardly believe it.  This blog has evolved from a chronicle of life in a house with kids at home to a blog designed to keep family and friends up to date as our family has grown and spread its wings!  2016 seemed to personify this evolution in a way I could never have anticipated at the beginning of the year. 


The complexity of a maintaining a family blog when everyone in the family is now an adult is a delicate dance between sharing news and progress and protecting the privacy of the family members...fewer pictures, fewer funny anecdotes which might embarrass, but still trying to sharing important events.


Last things first.  Christmas came off without a hitch and everyone had a terrific time.  Santa did a terrific job of picking gifts for the kids and  I managed to meet my goal of making hand made gifts for friends and family (on time - which means packages got mailed early, not at the 11th hour).  Christmas cards were mailed in middle December (!), all of the presents were wrapped by the 23rd, and I managed to pull off Christmas breakfast for the kids and some friends and Christmas dinner (for 11!).  I was actually pretty impressed with myself.


Superman went from working locally in the beginning of the year to working overseas by mid-summer...this time, however, he's not a contractor, he's an employee of a multinational corporation.  For us, that simply means that his doesn't find a new job every year and, as long as he likes this company, he can move within the company.  His current assignment runs through August 2018, so we know where he'll be until then.  Superman loves his job and this is old hat to the rest of the family, so while it is not your typical set up, it works for us.


Charming has been running, and running, and running...and when he's not running, he's plotting and planning a move to the west side of the state for sometime this spring.  After being at the same company for five years, he's looking to make a change both professionally and geographically.  Truthfully, I can't decide what to hope for:  Should I hope he finds a fantastic job here in town or should I hope he finds a fabulous job on the west side?  So, I just hope he finds something he likes and have faith it will be the right next step for him.


In December, Valiant moved out and into a place with his girlfriend, taking over the reigns of his life.  It is so exciting watching him make his way out of the family home.  He's bought a truck and sold the same truck (all in 2016) and he bought himself a project car which is his 2017 project.  (That car, he left behind our fence...not exactly room for a project car in apartment parking!)   Valiant's life has moved beyond the family home...now it is consumed by his relationship, his job, his apartment, and his project car.  His girlfriend and her family are lovely...they joined us for Christmas dinner and it was a blast.  We figure any girl who can just roll with the weirdness that is the Nagle5 is a good girl to have around.


Buttercup is halfway through her senior year in high school...and is also well into her second year at the local junior college through the Running Start program.  She has been throwing javelin for her high school and is looking forward to doing it for one more season.  Her favorite class is ceramics and this spring she's decided to master throwing on the wheel.


And then there is me...with the kids almost all grown up, you'd think I'd have plenty of free time, but with Superman overseas and both boys moved out and Buttercup busy with two schools and a job, the house maintenance and pet maintenance is left for me.  (Pro tip:  don't let your second son move out of the family home until spring, otherwise you're the one left doing the shoveling when it snows...just saying!)  So, when I'm not shoveling, cleaning, worrying about cars, or heading to the gym, I'm sewing or embroidering.  In addition to helping out my friend at Piping and Pleats, this fall I really dug in and learned all about the embroidery side of my sewing machine and it made me love my machine even more.  If you want to follow my sewing adventures, I've started a separate blog:  www.seamsbyerin.com to chronicle my journey.   In addition to sharing many of my fall sewing projects (now that the recipients have opened their gifts), I've committed 2017 to be the year I sew clothes I actually WANT to wear.


So, time keeps marching on and, while the story is ever changing, it continues.  Coming up next:  The Nagle5 (plus 1 - the girlfriend!) will be together again when Superman comes home on leave this spring and we will be heading to California and, before you know it, June will be here and Buttercup will be graduating from high school. 


In the meantime, the frigid temperatures are supposed to give way to snow tomorrow night, so I'll be back manning the shovel!


Happy 2017!

October Recap...Where does the time go???

November?  Already!?  Where did October go?  I know I felt pretty busy in October, but it wasn't until November arrived that I realized just how busy we'd all been.  The weather changed, cars got repairs (heck, a car got stolen and found - Valiant's girlfriend's car, to be specific!), a room got painted, I made it to book club for the first time in months(!), dogs got sick, dogs got better, sprinklers got blown out in anticipation of the freeze, I even covered for a friend at her work so she could get some much needed time off.  Obviously, I didn't take pictures of it all, but I did take some random photos:


I put up a few of my favorite Halloween decorations, but with no little kids at home, I didn't feel like going all out.  I have three of these wrought iron spiders in various sizes and just love them...this is the smallest one:

I also put up our ping pong ball bats...they just make me smile whenever I see them.

Not bad for a ping pong ball and googly eyes!!

I got some awesome bird feeders to replace the generic plastic ones I've had forever...and, as you can see by the picture I just took, the birds are fans and empty them quickly as they prepare for winter. 

 

So pretty when they're being swarmed by birds...

I even managed to get a new barbecue cover on Superman's barbecue before the three weeks of rain came...the leaves?  They have to wait until tomorrow...I did the front yard today.

Ready for winter!!

I did a lot of sewing.  Some of it was sewing for my friend Cassi at Piping and Pleats...and a c couple of the projects were incredibly large cushions.  Seriously large.  I had my sister in stitches on Skype watching me stuff the cushion below into its slipcover...to say it was stiff would be an understatement.  I was wrestling the sucker into submission!  Check out this before and after:

Just to give you an idea of how large this is:  That cushion is lying across a couch and each of the
 floor tiles visible in the before picture are 13x13" tiles.  The cushion was large!!

I finally pulled the trigger and bought some embroidery software to enable me to do more with the embroidery functions on the Brother SE400 my family bought me four years ago.  I went with Sew What Pro for $65 because I don't even know what I don't know, so I couldn't see a reason to spend more on Embrilliance.  At some point, I might switch over, but for now, I'll see how it goes.

I love binding PDF documents - software instructions, pattern instructions...binding
makes them so easy to use.  They lay flat when they're open for reference during a project.

After quite a bit of trial and error, I decided to go for it and embellished a couple of toddler sized Halloween t-shirts for Aunt S's baby boys...my first time embroidering something other than names on anything and my first time embroidering on clothing.  It wasn't easy, but I was pretty pleased with the results.  (Plus, toddlers aren't perfectionists!!)

Ruined Cash's first shirt, otherwise both would have been grey...live and learn...

In the middle of it all, I had a birthday and Superman and Charming got together to get me these:

Who doesn't love red Vans?

Oh, and my sister requested some Halloween pillowcases made from some of the most fabulous fabric...the pictures she sent me didn't do it justice...as soon as the fabric arrived, I was itching to get the pillowcases made and shipped off to her.  They were such a fun project!  (And it's really awesome when your family likes what you sew enough to ask for more!)

Best fabric ever!!  (It reminds me of the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland.)

And, as October wound down, Buttercup and I helped close down our beloved CrossFit 509.  It has been our gym home for five and a half years and I was heartbroken when the owner had to make the difficult decision to close it down.  Still, when you're lucky enough to have your gym become part of your family, you help with even the sad stuff.  When all the equipment is gone, you're just left with just a sad shell of a building...very sad and weird and all of that...even Honey was bummed...

I had to chuckle at the scuff marks above the blue stripe...wall ball marks!  Bahaha!

We finished off October by going to dinner on Halloween...as the kids got too old for trick or treating, we started a new tradition...this is our 6th year doing it...PF Changs was pretty tasty.


There you go...some of the stuff that went on in the Nagle5 world in October.  Now I'm ready...let November roll on in!!

When You're Depending on the Internet for Pretty Much Everything...

...and your internet starts having a problem the day before your IT professional husband takes off for far off places, it quickly becomes a problem.  We use the internet for television, we use the internet for music, we use the internet for shopping, we use the internet for getting library books (because we're lazy that way), we use the internet for banking and paying bills, we use the internet for our landline, and we use the internet for, well, surfing the internet...seriously, we use the internet for everything.  When I say "internet problem", I actually mean the internet keeps going down completely, as in, completely not there!!  I tell you, we've become so spoiled, I was looking at my Roku-hooked-up television and asking it, "what do you mean, "Not Connected"?  We were just watching Defying the Nazis on PBS!!!"  (Or, the finale of American Ninja Warrior!!, or that new show The Good Place!! -- it really depends upon which night we're talking about here...)  Trust me, though, it was a PROBLEM.


So, in addition to not whining myself when I discovered we had a big internet problem, I had to be mature and parental when confronted with a teenage daughter who WAS NOT HAPPY about the internet problems. (The internet problem required her to use a lot more data on her phone and her speed was throttled back!!!!)    Interestingly, your son doesn't care--he just uses the internet at his girlfriend's apartment - problem solved.  Sigh.  Anyway, when you discover the problem is, in fact, at your end and NOT at the CenturyLink end, it becomes an annoying problem which YOU have to solve.

Fresh out of the Amazon box--still in cellophane--waiting for Superman.

 Actually, you just tell your husband who is off adventuring in far off lands that there is a BIG INTERNET PROBLEM and he has to fix it...it was in the marriage vows he said all those years ago and adventuring doesn't absolve him of that responsibility.  (No, seriously, it was in the vows...check the fine print.  Never mind that we were married long before the internet was a thing.  The "handle the internet problems" vow is right that after the "fix all the car problems" vow.  Check it out...you'll see that I'm right.)

The cellophane is off and, if you look carefully, you can see my cell phone in the background off to the right and you can see there is an active call on the screen.  This was the part where Superman was starting to tell me what to do.

When you tell your IT professional husband that you're having a problem with the internet, he does magical things from those previously mentioned far off lands, logs into your home modem, verifies the problem is, in fact, on your end (because he's pretty sure you don't really know what is going on with your home network and its three different wifi networks--yes, three!), and jumps onto Amazon and orders you a whiz bang router to solve your problems. 

Apparently this lovely router will have four channels (upgrading from our current three) and will solve the bandwidth hog problems we'd been having before we had the "real" internet problem.

This huge thing arrived on my front porch this morning.  Doesn't it look impressive?  After a brief phone call this evening, it is now powered up and plugged into our modem.  That doesn't mean it is busily solving my internet problem.  That will require Superman to log in and configure it to his liking in the wee hours of my morning, so I will have another night of internet problems, but this, my friends, is the light at the end of the tunnel (or so I'm told!)

I'm Reading a Terrific Book Right Now...

...but you might not want to read it if you're easily offended by the use of the f-word.  Just giving you fair warning.  This book is fabulous, but it is not for those who can't get past that particular curse word because it is liberally sprinkled throughout the entire book.  (There!  That is my disclaimer, but I truly hope you won't let the word put you off because the book is terrific.)

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k - A Counterintuitive Approach to Living the Good Life by Mark Manson is a brand new self-help book which doesn't really fit into the mold of traditional self-help books.  The author's premise is that the pursuit of anything really just makes you focus on the lack or inadequacy of that thing in your life and because we don't understand that fundamental idea, we're not carefully choosing on what we expend our energy and emotions.  The first chapter is called titled "Don't Try".  (Not very rainbows and unicorns, is it?)


"The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience.  And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience" - Mark Manson


He writes:  "...Our crisis is no longer material; it's existential, it's spiritual.  We have so much f**king stuff and so many opportunities that we don't even know what to give a f**k about anymore."  [I warned you about his love of the f-word.]


He sites British philosopher Alan Watts "backwards law" -" the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place" regardless of how much of that something you might already have. "... The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you.  The more you want to be spiritually enlightened, the more self-centered and shallow you become trying to get there."


Anyway, all of the above is in the first chapter...the author also uses Buddha, Megadeath and Metallica, and the Beatles to make his points.  He makes so much sense both about how we got here and how to get out of here...especially for those of us who are looking around and wondering what the heck is going on with people...his language might be crude, but his clarity is refreshing.  Be brave and just substitute a word of your own choosing for "f**k" and read the book.  Seriously, if you're the least bit interested and can get past the liberal use of the f-word, this a fabulous book and I highly recommend it. (Oh, and Superman says the guy who reads the audiobook version does a fabulous job, if that's your chosen medium.)


Oh, and if you do read the book and love it, or if you're not sure you can stomach his writing style, he writes a successful blog at Mark Manson.net where you can read more.

Food for Thought